Many people associate the tradition of breaking the glass with Jewish weddings and do not realize it is also an Italian custom. While they appear similar, they are not the same ritual. They are usually placed at different times during the festivities and convey unrelated symbolic meaning.

In Jewish weddings here in the western tradition, the breaking of the glass is often done by the groom at the conclusion of the ceremony. He grinds the class beneath his right foot and the guests typically shout, "Mazel Tov!" The origin and the meaning of the ritual are very difficult to pin down as there have been a number of stories circulating about it for centuries. For example, an article at Chabad.org which references these difficulties in detail says, "From the Talmud it would appear that breaking the glass served to engender sobriety and balanced behavior,..." and discusses more contemporary reinterpretations of the custom.

At Italian weddings, the couple both stomp on the glass together and attempt to grind it into as many pieces as they can. The ritual is usually done at the conclusion of the reception rather than the ceremony, but can certainly be used to conclude the ceremony if the couple wishes to do so. The number of glass shards is said to represent the number of happy years the couple will have together, so clearly they want to spend a little time crushing it as thoroughly as possible.

I recently officiated a wedding for a couple at the Tides Collocated Club who concluded their wedding ceremony with a breaking of the glass. After the Declaration of Marriage and their kiss, we simply placed a silk bag containing a wine glass on the ground in front of them and I said the following words:

Photo Attributes: Danielle sent me the picture of the vase with the shards of glass above and I believe it was one of the groomsmen who took the photo of Joseph, Danielle and me with my camera.

There are a number of legends surrounding the origin of this wedding ritual. I personally suspect they are all about as reliable as your great-aunt's insistence that your family is descended from royalty. In other words, I seriously doubt anyone knows where this really came from with any degree of certainty.

Regardless of its origins being clouded in obscurity, it can be a lovely ritual of conclusion (but not always, keep reading). When consulting with my couples, I always suggest that when it comes to weddings, if you break something, jump something, throw something, or release something...you do it at the end. There is just something about these activities that lend themselves so well to rituals of conclusion. The actions seem to naturally signal the transition from the ritual aspect of the ceremony to the celebratory atmosphere of the reception in a fun and visible way. However, when it comes to the butterfly release there are a number of considerations that should be taken into account.

Butterflies are living creatures that transform through a metamorphosis, are considered beautiful, soar into the air, and procreate. Consequently, they can be used as a metaphor in countless ways for a wedding ceremony. Officiants and couples are free to emphasize whatever concepts they wish when writing the words to be spoken during the ritual. Butterflies are most definitely rich in symbolism. There are also several ways to do the ritual. The couple featured in the images here released the butterflies themselves from a netted cage. I have officiated weddings where the guests were given little cardboard envelopes as they entered the venue. When guests are involved, the ritual is written so as to instruct everyone present to release a butterfly. (See example below)

Whether you are using a basket, cage, or individual envelopes, this is not a ritual to throw together at the last minute. It requires forethought and planning. A quick internet search results in many sites that sell butterflies precisely for wedding releases. Do keep in mind that generally the temperature needs to be at least 70 degrees Fahrenheit and the ritual done outdoors during daylight hours for optimal results. HOWEVER.....

I do encourage couples to consider that the North American Butterfly Association and other respected organizations are opposed to the practice for a variety of reasons. Not surprisingly, the International Butterfly Breeders Association has their own response that is worth reading as well. For the reasons listed by the NABA, I'm personally not a fan of this ritual and advise couples to choose something else if they want my honest opinion.

Personally, I am not  convinced the concerns of the NABA are worth the potential photo opportunities. I say potential, because roughly half of my couples who had their hearts set on including a butterfly release were disappointed in the results. In one case, the butterflies escaped from their netted basket too soon and were gone by the end of the ceremony. In another, the butterflies were almost dead and just fluttered helplessly in their envelopes. In yet another, the butterflies immediately took off and none stayed around long enough to be captured by the photographers. Please use due diligence when deciding if this is an appropriate ritual for your wedding and make sure you fully understand the pros and cons. This is one of those rituals that have consequences and you should be aware of them when considering it for your wedding.

Photo Attribute: Images courtesy of Karl Leopold at Images Forever

I am teasing a wee bit when I tell couples if they want to jump something, break something, throw something or release something they should do it at the end of their wedding ceremony. There is truth to it though.

These rituals are best done at the end of a wedding ceremony and some of them specifically bring the ceremony to a close in the way they are written. They are a great way to transition from the solemnity of the vows to the celebratory atmosphere of a reception.

The Wish Upon a Shell ritual is designed for beach weddings for fairly obvious reasons, but something similar can be done in other venues using site appropriate items. There is no reason why stones cannot be lobbed into a river, pond or lake. I once adapted the ritual for a wedding in a botanical garden where the guests distributed pebbles through the park as they exited the grounds.

This ritual appeals to couples who want to share their appreciation of nature, like the symbolism that reflects the idea of a unified consciousness, or simply think the photos would be cool. It is a great transition into the introduction of the couple as well.

Officiant: At this time, I invite everyone to take your shell and hold it close to your heart. Think of the gifts (Bride and Groom) bring to one another and the beautiful potential that is their shared life together. Consider how you can encourage them and help guide and support them in being steadfast in the promises they have made. Make a wish or just think a special thought for their union.

In a moment, we will follow (Bride and Groom) to the shoreline where together we will toss our shells into the ocean. All our hopes and dreams will become one with all of Creation and join together the well wishes of all who are gathered here this day. For such selfless sharing magnifies a joy which knows no bounds.

<pause for private thoughts>

Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great honor I present to you for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. (Bride and Groom)!

The wording of the ritual depends upon whether the shells are given to the guests as they arrive, distributed at the time of the ritual or plucked out of a basket when the guests follow the couple to the shoreline. The version above assumes the guests have been holding the shells throughout the ceremony.

Some couples write their names and wedding date on the shells (or stones). If that is the case, this can certainly be mentioned within the ritual as well.

I quite often add a quick reminder to the couple and their guests that everyone should wait for the photographer’s cue to throw the shell. I do not include that in the ritual, but rather wait until the couple and any bridesmaids and groomsmen are behind the guests and it is time for the guests to stand and follow. It is an important instruction, but I feel it detracts a little from the beauty of the ritual within the context of the ceremony, so I do it after the recessional. Then I shoo them all down to the shoreline.

Photo Attribute: Shannon Perez of Florida Beachside Weddings

This ritual is found in my different cultures, but is particularly associated with European and African heritages. The debate as to where jumping the broom originated rages on and will likely never come to an end. The Romani Gypsies in Wales and England are often cited as the source of the custom as is West Africa, although there isn't any documented evidence of its use in West and Central African weddings. Many Americans assume the custom is popular among African Americans because of its connection to traditions during the era of slavery, but this isn't necessarily the case. It fell out of favor because of its association with the horrors of slavery and then made a come back in the 1970s following the publication of Alex Haley's novel, Roots.

Some couples conclude their ceremony with this ritual while others do it at the reception. The custom is a symbolic jumping over the threshold of a doorway from a carefree single life into the responsibilities of domestic life and not necessarily a leap of faith into the future. There is no right way or wrong way do to this ritual and the officiant and couple are certainly free to word the ceremony to capture the symbolism they find most meaningful.

Here is a version I wrote for a couple as a concluding ritual in their wedding ceremony. After they kissed, I had the maid of honor hand the bouquet back to the bride, the couple linked arms and turned to face their guests.

Officiant: (Bride and Groom) have just pledged themselves to one another recognizing their union comes with responsibilities to be diligent and responsible householders. They understand a marriage is not just a uniting of two hearts and souls as one, but the creation of a new family with obligations and responsibilities to one another, their families and the community.

At this time I would like to invite (Name) and (Name) to come forward to represent (Bride and Groom's) families. Will you each please hold one end of this broom as a gesture of support for your children's marriage? By serving as anchors, these two families provide ((Bride and Groom) with the security of unconditional love and a source of tradition, heritage and history.
The broom is an instrument of labor reminding us a successful marriage entails hard work as well as effortless passion. As a broom sweeps away all that is unwanted in our homes, may you endeavor to sweep away any strife threatening your union. This broom represents the strength, love, togetherness, loyalty and respect essential for a successful marriage.

<Family representatives place the broom on the ground in front of the couple.>

(Bride) and (Groom) may this broom always remind you of your new life and commitment to each other. Display it proudly in your home. Whenever you see it, may it be a joyous reminder of the way you felt today, your wedding day. May it inspire a sense of honor and respect for your family and a legacy you now share and create anew today.  You may now leap into your new life as husband and wife.

<Bride and Groom jump the broom.>

Ladies and gentlemen, it is a joy and an honor to present to you for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. (Names)!

A decorative broom used for the occasion makes a lovely keepsake the couple can display in their home. Its presence will bring back memories of their wedding and how they felt that day.