Although
I am a member of the clergy and serve a church, many of my independent weddings are with couples
who seek my services because of being inter-faith or having no active
affiliation with a religious institution;
resulting in essentially secular or "spiritual but not religious" ceremonies.
The
following are the most common questions I encounter. Some are asked outright
and others are broached tentatively. Please let me know if you think
any other subjects should be added to this page.
Weddings
& Commitment
Ceremonies
Memorial
Services
Child
Dedications
"Where will you perform them?"
All over Central Florida! I include travel expenses
within my fees so you can budget easily. The
majority of weddings I officiate are held in Brevard County, but I also have
experience in and around the Orlando area and in Indian River County. I am
willing to travel beyond these areas, and although I am brilliant, must
admit you are likely to
find a perfectly capable local celebrant without the extra travel expenses
associated with my ministry.
"Do you provide premarital counseling?"
Short answer: Yes
Long answer: Yes, but.... "Premarital counseling" is a common term,
but I prefer to call it marriage education or premarital preparation. Counseling
implies the need for a therapeutic process in order to solve a problem. Most
couples simply need to be exposed to a realistic view of marriage, share their
expectations with one another, learn decision-making techniques and
communication skills and come to an agreement regarding the major issues to
affect the marriage relationship in our contemporary society. My approach to marriage education is addressed on my website
here.
"Do you require premarital counseling?"
Short answer: No
Long answer: No, but...the value of
premarital preparation is beyond measure. Divorced couples and successfully
married couples experience about the same number of conflicts. The outcome is
dependent upon how conflict is addressed and resolved. Premarital preparation is
a wise investment in the health and sustainability of your partnership. My approach to marriage education is addressed on my website
here.
"We
are...
-
not
Unitarian Universalist
-
more
spiritual than religious
-
not
religious at all
-
members
of two different religions
...is that a problem?"
Absolutely
not. Unitarian Universalism is a non-creedal denomination with a living
tradition that includes:
-
Direct
experience of that transcending mystery and wonder, affirmed in all
cultures, which moves us to a renewal of the spirit and an openness to the
forces which create and uphold life;
-
Words
and deeds of prophetic women and men which challenge us to confront powers
and structures of evil with justice, compassion, and the transforming power
of love;
-
Wisdom
from the world's religions which inspires us in our ethical and spiritual
life;
-
Jewish
and Christian teachings which call us to respond to God's love by loving our
neighbors as ourselves;
-
Humanist
teachings which counsel us to heed the guidance of reason and the results of
science, and warn us against idolatries of the mind and spirit.
-
Spiritual
teachings of earth-centered traditions which celebrate the sacred circle of
life and instruct us to live in harmony with the rhythms of nature.
My training and education enables me to craft a wide variety of services that
address the needs of most religious traditions and the non-religious
alike.
"We are expecting a baby. Is that a problem?"
Only if you expect me to help with the 2:00 a.m. feedings.
I see no reason why your union should not be blessed and solemnized because
you will be parents soon. I do highly recommend a marriage preparation course. I
think all couples can find value in such programs, but they are particularly
important for parents-to-be. Marriage will change your relationship and
parenthood combined with being newlyweds is an adjustment that should be
anticipated realistically. If you are marrying because you are expecting a baby and not because you have
already made the decision you cannot live without one another, I would recommend
you wait or go through a marriage preparation course to help you decide if
marriage is the right decision.
"How much do you charge?"
My fees for weddings, commitment ceremonies and vow
renewals are entirely dependent upon the needs of your
ceremony. A full explanation of the free consultation process, my price range
and payment options are found on the Fees page
of this site.
My fees for funerals, memorial services,
baby and child dedications, adoption ceremonies,
and other rites of passage are generally voluntary honorariums.
"We are on an extremely tight budget, but don't
want to just show up at the court house, is there anything you can do for us?"
There are only three things required in order to be legally married in the
state of Florida: a valid marriage license, an exchange of vows, and an
authorized party to declare you married. Not very romantic, is it? The ritual of
a wedding ceremony truly does have an impact on the psychological and emotional
state of the couple. As silly as it sounds, you really do "feel more married"
when you engage in a ritual rather than simply appear before the clerk of
courts. I am happy to provide the essentials in my
small wedding package providing a
traditional wedding that is an intimate ceremony or private elopement.
"Why does it cost so much for 20
- 30 minutes of work?"
It is completely understandable for couples and their
guests to assume officiants earn an unusually high amount of money for simply
prompting the couple through their vows and pronouncing them husband and wife,
but that is only part of the story albeit the most visible part.
Competent officiants spend time before the wedding
pulling the pieces together and ensuring the desired flow of the ceremony. Time
may be spent helping the couple customize vows, decide between a unity candle or
a sand ceremony, and/or writing the opening words, a homily and a blessing.
Ceremony composition is far more time-consuming than the joyful occasion itself.
Officiants are often present well before the service to
calm nerves or confer with a wedding consultant, the DJs, the photographer and
other wedding vendors. We are usually asked to stay
for a portrait photo....sometimes waiting for a long receiving line to conclude
or family portraits to be taken first. In the case of weddings at my home
church, I'm often the one putting the sanctuary back in order following the
ceremony.
Officiants in Florida are also responsible for ensuring
accurate completion of the marriage license and we often take responsibility for
submitting it to the appropriate
county Clerk of Court. There are travel and/or postage expenses associated with
this responsibility. I also like to provide a more attractive keepsake Marriage
Certificate for every couple I marry regardless of size and scope of their
wedding.
We must also acknowledge that wedding officiating is a
business with accompanying expenses. Officiants must advertise, maintain home
offices, have internet access, make long-distance phone calls and travel to the
ceremony among other costs.
Your officiant is a professional every bit as much as
your caterer and your photographer. This is why I highly encourage
prospective couples to consult with several officiants before selecting the one
who will preside at their ceremony. Consultations help determine personality fit
and assess professionalism on the part of the officiant. Nothing can ruin a
ceremony faster than having an officiant who cannot write or assemble an
eloquent ceremony, mumbles, flubs names and is incapable of maintaining the flow
of the service.
"Do you officiate ceremonies for same gender couples?"
Yes I do. While weddings and commitment ceremonies performed in Florida are
symbolic only and do not result in any legal protections for the couple, I am
most happy to solemnize the public proclamation of a same gender couple's desire
to live together as spouses. I do not charge my full fee because there is no
paperwork to file with the county or state.
"Do you perform wedding ceremonies
for couples who are already legally married?"
Yes I do. There are any number of
reasons why a couple may have already had their marriage recognized by the
state, but now want a full wedding celebration with their friends and family
present. These services are essentially no different from other weddings, except
for not having to deal with the legal paperwork as that was done in the past.
There are no rules. The ceremony can be as traditional or eclectic as the couple
would like. Some want the liturgy of the ceremony to sound as if their marriage
begins that day and others want the words changed a little bit to acknowledge
they are already married. Simply a matter of personal preference.
"Do you perform commitment
ceremonies for couples who do not want a
legal marriage?"
Yes I do. There are any number of
reasons why a couple may want to pledge themselves to one another while not
seeking legal status as married under state law. Some of the language in a
traditional wedding ceremony must be changed. For example, I cannot
declare you married though I can declare you united in love from this day
forward. I discuss these types of weddings further and have an example of a
symbolic ceremony in the sample ceremonies
section of my website.
"Do you perform
simple legal ceremonies for couples having
a more elaborate wedding celebration later?"
Yes I do. I have performed simple
legal ceremonies for couples about to sail on a cruise who plan on having a
symbolic wedding on board. I have performed a simple legal ceremony for a couple
who wanted to marry before the husband was deployed and will have a grand
wedding celebration when he returns from overseas. I have performed a simple
legal ceremony for a couple who wanted their elderly parents in Florida to
witness their legal marriage ceremony and planned a big event for the rest of
their friends and family in Colorado.
"What is the best way to reach you?"
With a variety of intermittent appointments and three children, the most
reliable means of communication is via email. This also allows for a written
record of expectations. I am more than happy to speak with you over the
telephone but may need to schedule a time to speak with you uninterrupted.
321-255-9086
brevardminister@cfl.rr.com
"What are your office
hours?"
Monday
through Friday 9:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m.
Although ministers have "office hours" that
does not necessarily mean they will always be immediately available.
Office hours indicate the times they try to be available to take calls and
exchange email, but of course pastoral visitation, ceremonies and other
appointments also occur at these times. If you are unable to reach me, please
leave a message and I will return your call as soon as possible.
"How involved will you be in my
ceremony?"
That depends completely on your needs. Some couples want to have complete
control over the content and simply desire their officiant show up and lead the
service. Others would prefer the celebrant be integrally involved in designing
the flow of the service and delivering a short marriage sermon. My rates
are reflective of a wide range of needs and budgets.
"How will you be dressed?"
The attire of the celebrant is dependent upon the tone and content of
the ceremony. I have a variety of clerical robes, formal suits and casual
professional attire. I work with the couple to blend with the feel of their
unique service. I can assure you however, that I will be dressed. Feel
free to browse the photo gallery section of my website to see how other couples
have had me dress for their ceremony.
"Are we obligated to invite our
officiant to
the rehearsal dinner and/or reception?"
In
the past, the officiant was routinely invited to the rehearsal dinner and the
reception. But unless the couple is a member of the officiant's congregation or
has developed a special bond with their officiant, such invitations are no
longer expected although certainly appreciated. Please do not expect your
officiant to stay unless a specific invitation has been tendered. Invitations
indicate courtesy and eliminate awkward situations and schedule conflicts.
I have celiac disease and therefore
have a special dietary need, so I tend to decline invitations because I do not
want anyone having to make accommodations for me.
I'm more than happy to participate at
the reception as a member of the clergy and be available for blessings and
invocations, but would probably not stay for very long. Let's face it. I've got
three children at home and an increasingly anxious husband awaiting my return.
"Are we supposed to tip our officiant?"
Gratuities
are a delicate subject. Your minister, officiant or justice of the peace
will not be insulted if you do not tip. It is not expected. However, if you feel
your officiant has done an exceptional job, by all means express yourself with a
gratuity. Officiants probably charge the least of all the wedding vendors and
most pour their hearts and souls into the ceremony. We do not just do it as a
job; it is a calling. If the ceremony is particularly
pleasing, gratuities are a concrete way to let officiants know you appreciate
what they did and honor their contribution to making the day especially
meaningful.
Gratuities
needn't be in the form of monetary compensation however. My favorite
gratuities have been gift certificates to local restaurants, a bottle of
champagne from the reception to share with my husband when I returned home, and
local specialties from couples who came from out-of-state. I will always think
of one particular couple from New Hampshire when I pour syrup on my pancakes!
The restaurant gift certificates encouraged me to do something special rather
than simply money absorbed into the family budget. This leads to occasions that
will forever be linked in memory to the couples' weddings. And special
thanks to the couple who ordered Aston Villa FC merchandise from England!
Do we have to use one of the weddings on your site?
Absolutely not! The weddings I have on my website are a small
sample of what
I have officiated in the past. Each couple and their relationship are unique and
their wedding should reflect that. If you feel one of these services is perfect
for you, by all means use it. But certainly do not feel limited. I chose these
services because they include a variety of optional elements and hopefully
provide a glimpse of how diverse the order of service can be within a "typical"
wedding.
We checked your calendar and see you might already be booked.
Should we still contact you?
It's always worth an email or a phone call.
If you see a graphic of wedding rings along with surnames on my
Calendar, it means I have received a contract with a non-refundable deposit
guaranteeing that date and time. If you see a graphic of a red Thumbtack with
"Wed Contract Pending," it means I have presented the couple with a contract but have not
received a signed copy with corresponding deposit.
If your wedding conflicts with a "Red Thumbtack" entry, I am more than happy
to contact the other couple to find out if they will be retaining my services or
have found someone else.
"Is
there anything you refuse to do?"
That
is a fair question and one with answers that deserve explanation. I have a page
on this site that outlines what I will not do.
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Frequently Asked Questions
