If you feel it appropriate and meaningful to present a gift,
such as a flower or other token during the wedding, this is usually done at the
conclusion of the opening words so as not to disrupt the emotional flow of the
ritual content of the ceremony. The wording of this element of the service
depends entirely upon the gift, the recipient and what exactly the bride and
groom are recognizing or honoring. The most common is a presentation of a flower
to the mothers or parents.
Like a gift presentation, a memorial statement is most appropriate during the
opening words. Memorial statements should only be used when there is little
likelihood the mention of the absent friends and family will unduly upset those
present at the wedding. It should evoke feelings of love and honor, not grief
and pain.
I. It is only right and fitting that we remember those who have been
instrumental in helping (Bride) and (Groom) become the person each finds most
dear in the world. _____ and ____ are unable to be with us today, but we know
they reside within our minds and hearts as they bless this union. (Bride) and
(Groom) light these memorial candles in honor of everyone who is unable to be
here today in person but resides in our hearts in spirit.
II. ____ and _____ would like to recognize those who have been important
in their lives but are unable to be with us today. They honor, _____________ who
is no longer among us, but lives on in their hearts. They wish to remember
______ who was unable to travel to be here today, but they know he loves them
and will support them throughout their marriage.
Some couples feel it is appropriate to have their parents make a
public declaration of their support of the marriage. Here are two examples I
have used in previous weddings.
Many
weddings today result in not just the union of the husband and the
wife, but also in the blending of two families. The family medallion
is a lovely way to include the bride and/or groom's children in the
ceremony. The jewelry can be a necklace, a lapel pin, or rings. The
jewelry is widely available on the internet.
In the representation of the three equally merged
circles, two circles represent the marriage union and the third
symbolizes the importance of children within the family. While I
have a sample below, the wording of the presentation should be
adapted to capture the unique relationships within the family.
Although this example is secular, the ceremony can include
sacramental language or invoke specific religious beliefs. I
recommend soft music be played as the jewelry is presented and
clasps secured.
Some couples choose to include a vow to their new
step-children, but I do not recommend children be asked to make a
vow to their step-parent. Children may say a few words if they
choose, but it really is not appropriate to ask children to make a
pledge they may or may not be in a position to honor. I would
caution using judgment with respect to the developmental stages of
the children involved.
Minister: At this time I invite, ____ and ____'s
children to come forward and encircle their parents.
____ and ____, do you endeavor to do your best to
support and guide these children to the best of your ability? Do you
respect their relationship with their parent, yet remain aware of
your important place in their lives so as to treat them with care,
concern, fairness and respect?
Bride and Groom: We do.
While our wedding ceremony today brings together this man and this
woman, we are also privileged to witness the blending of their two
families. We give thanks for the love that brought them together and
recognize that this love encompasses circles of mutual support that
now merge, blend and overlap with one another. ____ and ____ would
like to honor their families and recognize the additional love and
responsibility their family and friends bring to these
relationships.
____ and ____
recognize
their children ______, ______, and _____ and the significant role
they play in this union we celebrate today.
<Minister
introduces each child by name as the parents present the child with
the necklace, pin or ring>
Minister:
Scripture tells us that "two are stronger than one...and a cord of
three strands is not easily broken." Your family is such a cord and
is symbolized by your family medallions. The three circles represent
the powerful bonds of love, bonds that while strong, are also
tolerant, forgiving and enduring, not to be unraveled by hardship or
separation. Because love felt between two people cannot help but
transcend their union, the expanding circles signify love's
willingness to reach out and embrace others. As you wear your
medallions, may your love for one another continue to grow in ever
widening circles, encompassing those who wait without hope and live
without love's shelter. May your family dwell together in beauty and
in strength from this day forward.
Unity rituals are a visible metaphor symbolizing the joining of two or more
pieces into a single whole. They can be written to include parents,
step-parents, children, step-children, etc. The symbolism alters slightly
depending upon whether the emphasis is to be placed on the joining of the two
individuals into one union, the joining of two families, or the recognition of
the creation of a blended family. There is no right or wrong way to go about a
unity ritual, it is all about what the couple wishes to do. The only
recommendation I make is that if others besides the couple are to be
included they should:
a) understand their role
b) agree unreservedly to participate
c) their participation is age
appropriate.
This ritual is rendered meaningless if anyone is forced to participate and it
probably isn't a good idea for a three year old to be either playing with
candles or swigging wine. Though the proximity to bedtime may influence your
thoughts on the latter.
The most common unity rituals are unity candles, sand ceremonies,
handfastings, wine ceremonies and flower ceremonies. Unity rituals are explained
in more detail on the page devoted to this type
of wedding element.
Probably the most common way of honoring someone is by asking
them to read something particularly meaningful. It may be a poem, music lyrics,
scripture or anything else the bride and groom feel is appropriate for their
circumstances.
Minister: "At this time I would like to invite ______ to come
forward and read _______________."
I always make sure I have a large print copy of the reading in
my binder so the reader does not have to remember to bring anything other than
his or her voice.
Additionally, the couple may choose to have a friend or family
member say a prayer for them or offer a blessing. I have seen extemporaneous
speaking during a wedding that was absolutely perfect and added so much to the
ceremony. I have seen some that would probably have been best said as a toast at
the reception. Just be aware you are always accepting a bit of a risk by
inviting someone to come up and speak. Yes, that includes me.
I am always touched when I officiate a wedding that invites all
of the guests into a more inclusive role in the service. Here is an example of a
communal pledge of support. This is typically asked following the exchange of
rings, a unity ritual or even just prior to the declaration of marriage.
Now that you have heard __________ and __________ recite
their marriage vows, do you, their family and friends, promise from this day
forward, to encourage them and love them, and to help guide and support them in
being steadfast in the promises they have made?” If you agree, please say, “We
do.”
This is a lovely ceremony in which the invited guests
participate. Have your ushers or a few young ladies distribute long-stemmed silk
flowers to your guests as they arrive to be seated. Prior to the exchange of
vows:
Minister: ________ and _______ have invited you here today because
they consider you an important part of their union. Your presence today helps
sanctify the public proclamation of a personal desire to unite as one. _____ and
______ wish to represent your continued presence in the life of their marriage
and invite you to come forward and place a flower in this vase representing your
blessings and support of their union. As you place the flower in the vase please
keep foremost in your mind and heart your best wishes for the strength and
beauty of _____ and _____'s marriage.
<Musical Interlude as guests are motioned to come forward by row to place
their flower in the vase.>
Minister: ______ and ______, your friends and family have shared with your
their desire and blessings for a successful marriage. Honor their support by the
loving words, compassionate acts and caring deeds that will govern your
marriage. Display this floral arrange in a prominent location in your home that
in times of discord you may turn to its beauty and remember this day so that all
disagreements may be resolved with respect and loving kindness.
Including Family & Friends
Very rarely do
two people come together without the love and support of their
family and friends. Whether a small
intimate gathering or a large social affair, weddings are a
wonderful opportunity to recognize the people who have been most
important in the couple's lives. There are many ways such friends
and family can be recognized in the context of a wedding ceremony
while the focus still remains on the union of the couple. The family
section has two ideas for including children in the wedding
ceremony.