There are a variety of rituals that can be included
in a meaningful wedding ceremony. Some are ethnic or religious in origin while
others are contemporary ritualized expressions of marriage. In many cases these
rituals are placed in the service immediately following the exchange of rings,
but when a unity ritual is also being included these rituals would probably fall
elsewhere in the order of service.
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Rose and Vessel Ritual
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Wish Upon A Shell
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Flower Ceremony
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Bell of Truce
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Blessing of the Hands
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Bread, Salt, Wine and Silver
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Butterfly Release
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Jumping the Broom
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Tasting of the Four Elements
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Breaking of the Glass
Rose and Vessel Ritual
This ritual carries with it a different symbolism than the
more common unity candle and sand ceremony. I know of two versions, one
utilizing Christian theology and this example below with a more humanist flavor.
It is a beautiful ritual and because it is less well known can seem all the more
meaningful. I actually like to mix it up and have the Groom present the vessel
to the Bride and the Bride present the rose to the groom. I think it challenges
traditional gender role stereotypes.
[Officiant]
Bride and Groom have chosen to share two symbolic gifts, The Marriage Vessel and
the Rose, to symbolize their life-long commitment to one another.
The spiritual roots of this ceremony grow out of an
understanding of creation, one gift (presenting the vessel) crafted lovingly by
human hands, the other (holding up the rose) brought forth by the glories of
nature.
This vessel is a symbol of love's strength and endurance. The
miracle of the vessel is that it not only protects, but is enriched and ennobled
by that which it holds.
Likewise, the rose born of the tiniest of seeds, symbolizes
both the beauty and the potential of love that blooms and grows through time.
Both the vessel and the rose are individually unique, yet when combined, they
create an object of even greater beauty.
The bride presents the vessel to the groom and says:
“Groom, this vessel represents the strength I see in you. I
thank you for the person you are and the person I am becoming because of your
love for me.”
The groom presents the rose to the bride:
“Bride, this rose represents the beauty I see in you I thank
you for the love and care you have given me and for all we will share together
in this life.”
Bride then places the rose in the vessel, they hold it
together and say:
“As our gifts bring beauty and purpose to each other may our
lives continue to enrich and strengthen one another.”
[Officiant]
Bride and Groom, as you share each passing day and as your days become years
remember this tradition you have created. On each wedding anniversary, place an
additional rose in your marriage vessel to demonstrate your ever growing love
for one another. May this gift always be a visual symbol of the beauty and
strength you bring to your life together.
Wish Upon A Shell
Clearly this ritual is designed for beach weddings though
something similar can be done in other venues. For example, the words can be
altered and stones or pebbles used in a garden or park.
At this time, would everyone please take a shell from the
basket and follow me to the shoreline. On each shell you will find written
______ and _____'s names and today's date--the day they begin their life
together as husband and wife. Please take a moment to think about the future of
their union. Make a wish, say a prayer or just think a special thought for this
happy couple....and then toss your shell into the ocean where your hopes and
dreams will become one of the universe and join the well wishes of all of us
gathered here today.
Flower Ceremony
This is a lovely ceremony in which the invited guests
participate. Have your ushers or a few young ladies distribute long-stemmed silk
flowers to your guests as they arrive to be seated. Prior to the exchange of
vows:
Minister: ________ and _______ have invited you here today because
they consider you an important part of their union. Your presence today helps
sanctify the public proclamation of a personal desire to unite as one. _____ and
______ wish to represent your continued presence in the life of their marriage
and invite you to come forward and place a flower in this vase representing your
blessings and support of their union. As you place the flower in the vase please
keep foremost in your mind and heart your best wishes for the strength and
beauty of _____ and _____'s marriage.
<Musical Interlude as guests are motioned to come forward by row to place
their flower in the vase.>
Minister: ______ and ______, your friends and family have shared with your
their desire and blessings for a successful marriage. Honor their support by the
loving words, compassionate acts and caring deeds that will govern your
marriage. Display this floral arrange in a prominent location in your home that
in times of discord you may turn to its beauty and remember this day so that all
disagreements may be resolved with respect and loving kindness.
Bell of Truce
This is a a great light-hearted contemporary ritual that
recognizes the reality of married life. I am tempted to put a legal disclaimer
that the bell should never be used for clonking an argumentative spouse over the
head. (Special thanks to one of my prospective brides for reminding me of this!)
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Minister: Bells have long been associated with weddings as their
joyous tones announce good tidings. I present this bell to _____ and
______. I ask them to give the bell a hardy ring while thinking lovely
thoughts about one another and their future life together.
<couple rings bell>
_____ and ______, keep this bell in your home to remind you of
your wedding day. When arguments arise, and they will, put this bell to
its best use. One of you should ring the bell to call a truce. Its sound
will remind you of your wedding vows, conjure up the happiest memories
from this day and help you resolve our differences lovingly and
compassionately. |
Blessing of the Hands
This is a lovely way to transition from the vows to the
exchange of rings. It serves as a reminder that marriage is a life-long
commitment that will see the couple through many changes as they grow old
together. The ritual brings attention to the hands that will wear the rings and
thus leads naturally into the exchange of this classic symbol of unity and
eternity.
I.
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______ and ______, please hold one another’s hands with the palms facing
up, so you may see the gift they are to you. These are the hands of your
best friend, young and strong and vibrant on your wedding day, as you
promise to passionately love and cherish each other through the years,
for a lifetime of happiness.
These are the hands that will work
beside one another, as together you build your future, as you laugh and
cry, as you share your innermost secrets and dreams. These are the hands
that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes: tears of sorrow
and tears of joy. These are the hands that will provide comfort in
illness, and hold you when fear or grief engulfs your heart. These are
the hands that when wrinkled and aged will still be reaching for yours,
still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch. These
are the hands that will tenderly lift the chin and brush the cheek to
gaze into one another’s eyes—eyes filled completely with love and
desire.
May these hands we see before us this day be blessed.
May they long be held by one another. May they have the strength to hold
on during the storms of stress and the dark of disillusionment. May they
remain tender and gentle as they nurture each other in their wondrous
love. May these hands continue building a relationship founded in love,
rich in caring, and devoted in reaching for perfection. May ______ and
______ see the hands that will hold their rings as healer, protector,
shelter and guide. |
II.
These are the hands of your best friend,
young strong and full of love that holds yours on your wedding day as you
promise to love each other all the days of you life.
These are the hands that will work along
side yours as you build a future together.
These are the hands that will
passionately love you and care for you throughout the years.
These are the hands that will hold you
when fear or grief torments your mind, and, with the slightest touch will
comfort you like no other.
These are the hands that will give you
strength when you struggle, and support and encourage you to chase your dreams.
These are the hands that will tenderly
hold your children, and help keep your family together as one.
These are the hands that will, countless
times, wipe the tears from your eyes, tears of sorrow and tears of joy.
And lastly, these are the hands, that
even when wrinkled with age, will still be reaching for yours, still giving you
the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch- a touch from these hands.
Bread, Salt, Wine and Silver
This ritual is Eastern European in origin
and is a visual representation of the essence of most marriage blessings. We all
wish the best for a new bride and groom and this ritual covers pretty much all
bases.
(Bride) and (Groom) you
have just just sealed your relationship by the exchange of vows and the
giving and receiving of rings. Today we wish to bless this union and bestow upon
you the best gifts life has to offer. Please come forward together and share in
this ritual of blessing and good will.
<Bride
and groom each taste a piece of the bread on the altar/table>
May your
home never know the pangs of hunger and always experience the fullness of life.
<Bride
and groom each sip a little wine from the wine goblet on the altar/table>
May your
union always bring you the sweetness that life has to offer.
<Bride
and groom each place a spec of salt on their tongue>
May your
family enable you to overcome the bitterness life may bring.
<Bride
and groom hold the silver coin between their right hands together>
May you
be wealthy in good health and never succumb to financial distress.
Butterfly Release
This is a beautiful element that can replace the tradition of
rice, bird seed and bubbles, but not necessarily. It is unique because it takes
place during the ceremony rather than after either the ceremony or the
reception. So throwing bird seed or blowing bubbles is hardly precluded from the
festivities. The symbolism is reminiscent of the sand ceremony because it
concludes with a blessing regarding the infinite length of the marriage, but
does not convey the family blending aspect of unification rituals. Depending
upon the butterflies, it can also result in some spectacular photographs should
a few of the animals decide to attach themselves to a member of the bridal
party.
Minister: The
caterpillar is a lowly being, bound to the earth and bemoaned as an
indiscriminate consumer of abundant vegetation. Yet this homely creature, with
patience, care and sustenance becomes a venerated symbol of dignity and beauty.
We
now ask that you open the envelopes presented to you when you arrived today. The
release of these butterflies is important to (bride) and (groom) because it
demonstrates their commitment to the cycle of life.
What
is held captive cannot thrive. But when granted freedom in an environment of
opportunity and respect, lives to bring about another generation. May (bride)
and (groom's) marriage last as long as the offspring of these butterflies endure
in grace and liberty.
Jumping the Broom
While this ritual is usually associated with either
African-American traditions or neo-paganism, it really is a lovely ceremony
component regardless of your ethnicity.
There are a number of
ways to include this ritual. Some couples conclude their ceremony with a Jumping
of the Broom while others do it at the reception. Jumping the Broom is a
custom that originated as the symbolic jumping the doorway, or threshold from a
carefree single life into the responsibilities of domestic life and a future
together. This is a popular African tradition. At the end of the
wedding ceremony, the guests gather around the bridal couple. A broom is placed
on the floor in front of the couple. The couple picks up the broom as the
officiant or a family member relates the history of the custom which stems back
from a time when slaves were prevented from marrying. This ritual was a way to
unite in ceremony. Recreating the ceremony is a way to represent the joining
together of two lives and the need for support of the marriage from the entire
community. The couple sweeps the broom in a circle together as the story is
told. At the conclusion of the story, they place the broom on the floor and hold
hands. The guests are instructed to count out loud to three. At the count of
three the newly wed couple jumps over the broom together.
Here is an alternate
version that blends the symbolism with the metaphor of a unification ceremony.
Minister: I now
ask _______ and ________ to come forward to represent (bride) and (groom's)
families. Will you each please hold one end of this broom as a gesture of
support for your children's marriage? By serving as anchors, these two families
provide (bride) and (groom) with the security of unconditional love and a source
of tradition, heritage and history.
The broom is an instrument of labor reminding us that a successful marriage
entails hard work as well as effortless passion. As a broom sweeps away that
which is unwanted in our homes, may you endeavor to sweep away any strife that
threatens your union. This broom will represent the strength, love,
togetherness, loyalty and respect essential for a successful marriage.
(Bride) and (Groom) may this broom always remind you of your new life and
commitment to each other. Display it proudly in your home. Whenever you see it,
may it be a joyous reminder of the way you felt today, your wedding day. May it
inspire a sense of honor and respect for your ancestors and their legacy.
Celebrate your rich cultural heritage, irrespective of race, religion and
nationality.
You may now leap into your new life as husband and wife.
<Bride and Groom jump the broom.>
Tasting of the Four Elements
This particular ritual can be quite amusing while its
symbolism is incredibly powerful. The expressions on the bride and grooms faces
are priceless and make for fantastic wedding photos. However, the meaning of
this ritual is one that is not long forgotten.
Minister: Marriage involves individual sacrifice so that two people can
harmonize as one. Sacrifice should never entail a dissolution of one's deepest
held values, but at times it can cause sour feelings, bitterness and perhaps
result in a heated explosion.
To symbolize the sourness, I place this lemon upon your tongues.
To symbolize the bitterness, I place a drop of vinegar on your tongues.
To symbolize the potential for heated conflict, I place this cayenne on your
tongues.
Yet you can endure all of this, the difficult times ahead as friends and
lovers, because of the sweetness your commitment brings to your union. A
sweetness that endures through all of these three flavors.
To symbolize the power of the sweetness of your union, I place this honey on
your tongues. Savor the sweetness and the ability it has to eliminate the sour,
bitter and the heat of conflict.
Breaking of the Glass
This ritual is usually associated
with Jewish weddings, but is actually also an Italian tradition. In some regions
of Italy, the bride and groom shatter a vase or large glass together and the
number of pieces are said to represent the number of happy years they would
spend together. This is clearly a ritual to conclude a wedding ceremony. The
best way to prepare for it is to use a silk bag and a light bulb. Spectacular
shatter with minimal clean up. The wording of this ritual varies depending upon
which traditions and what symbolism the bridal couple wishes to acknowledge.
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Additional Rituals
