There are a variety of rituals that can be included
in a meaningful wedding ceremony. Some are ethnic or religious in origin while
others are contemporary ritualized expressions of marriage. They encompass a
wide range of symbolism.
In many cases these
rituals are placed in the latter part of the service following the exchange of rings.
When a unity ritual is also being included, these rituals generally
occur later than the unity ritual. Wish Upon a Shell, Butterfly
Release and Dove Release conclude the wedding ceremony and occur
after the declaration of marriage.
Gift Rituals
Conclusion Rituals
Blessing of the Hands
This is a lovely way to transition from the vows to the
exchange of rings. It serves as a reminder that marriage is a life-long
commitment that will see the couple through many changes as they grow old
together. The ritual brings attention to the hands that will wear the rings and
thus leads naturally into the exchange of this classic symbol of unity and
eternity.
I.
_____ and _____,
please hold one another's hands with the palms facing up, so you may see
the gift they are to you. These are the hands of your best friend,
strong and vibrant on your wedding day, as you promise to passionately
love and cherish each other through the years, for a lifetime of
happiness. These hands will work beside one another, as together you
build your future, as you laugh and cry, as you share your innermost
secrets and dreams. These are the hands that will countless times wipe
the tears from your eyes: tears of sorrow and tears of joy. These hands
will provide comfort in illness, and hold you when fear or grief engulfs
your heart. These are the hands that when wrinkled and aged will still
be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness
with just a touch. These are the hands that will tenderly lift the chin
and brush the cheek to gaze into one another's eyes-eyes filled
completely with love and desire.
May these hands we see before us this day be blessed. May they long be
held by one another. May they have the strength to hold on during the
storms of stress and the dark of disillusionment. May they remain tender
and gentle as they nurture each other in their wondrous love. May these
hands continue building a relationship founded in love, rich in caring,
and devoted in reaching for perfection. May
_____ and _____
see the hands that will hold their rings as healer, protector, shelter
and guide |
II.
_____
and _____, please hold one another's hands and see the gifts they
are to you. These are the hands that will work together as you build
your future. These are the hands that will give you strength,
supporting and encouraging you in all your endeavors. These are the
cherished hands that will help you to express your love, compassion
and desire.
These are
the hands that will always be there to wipe the tears from your
eyes, tears of sorrow and tears of joy. They will cradle your
children in their loving embrace, helping keep your family warm and
secure.
May these
hands we see before us this day be blessed. May they long be held by
one another, remaining tender and gentle. May these hands help to
create a relationship founded in love, rich in caring and devoted to
one another always. May these hands that will hold your rings,
forever be ready to reach out to one another in the glory of your
love.
III.
These are the hands of your best friend,
young strong and full of love that holds yours on your wedding day as you
promise to love each other all the days of you life.
These are the hands that will work along
side yours as you build a future together.
These are the hands that will
passionately love you and care for you throughout the years.
These are the hands that will hold you
when fear or grief torments your mind, and, with the slightest touch will
comfort you like no other.
These are the hands that will give you
strength when you struggle, and support and encourage you to chase your dreams.
These are the hands that will tenderly
hold your children, and help keep your family together as one.
These are the hands that will, countless
times, wipe the tears from your eyes, tears of sorrow and tears of joy.
And lastly, these are the hands, that
even when wrinkled with age, will still be reaching for yours, still giving you
the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch- a touch from these hands.
Bread, Salt, Wine and Silver
This ritual is Eastern European in origin
and is a visual representation of the essence of most marriage blessings. We all
wish the best for a new bride and groom and this ritual covers pretty much all
bases.
(Bride) and (Groom) you
have just just sealed your relationship by the exchange of vows and the
giving and receiving of rings. Today we wish to bless this union and bestow upon
you the best gifts life has to offer. Please come forward together and share in
this ritual of blessing and good will.
<Bride
and groom each taste a piece of the bread on the altar/table>
May your
home never know the pangs of hunger and always experience the fullness of life.
<Bride
and groom each sip a little wine from the wine goblet on the altar/table>
May your
union always bring you the sweetness that life has to offer.
<Bride
and groom each place a speck of salt on their tongue>
May your
family enable you to overcome the bitterness life may bring.
<Bride
and groom hold the silver coin between their right hands together>
May you
be wealthy in good health and never succumb to financial distress.
Tasting of the Four Elements
This particular ritual can be quite amusing while its
symbolism is incredibly powerful. The expressions on the bride and grooms faces
are priceless and make for fantastic wedding photos. However, the meaning of
this ritual is one that is not long forgotten.
Minister: Marriage involves individual sacrifice so that two people can
harmonize as one. Sacrifice should never entail a dissolution of one's deepest
held values, but at times it can cause sour feelings, bitterness and perhaps
result in a heated explosion.
To symbolize the sourness, I place this lemon upon your tongues.
To symbolize the bitterness, I place a drop of vinegar on your tongues.
To symbolize the potential for heated conflict, I place this cayenne on your
tongues.
Yet you can endure all of this, the difficult times ahead as friends and
lovers, because of the sweetness your commitment brings to your union. A
sweetness that endures through all of these three flavors.
To symbolize the power of the sweetness of your union, I place this honey on
your tongues. Savor the sweetness and the ability it has to eliminate the sour,
bitter and the heat of conflict.
Bell of Truce
This is a a great light-hearted contemporary ritual that
recognizes the reality of married life. I am tempted to put a legal disclaimer
that the bell should never be used for clonking an argumentative spouse over the
head. (Special thanks to one of my prospective brides for reminding me of this!)
|
Minister: Bells have long been associated with weddings as their
joyous tones announce good tidings. I present this bell to _____ and
______. I ask them to give the bell a hardy ring while thinking lovely
thoughts about one another and their future life together.
<couple rings bell>
_____ and ______, keep this bell in your home to remind you of
your wedding day. When arguments arise, and they will, put this bell to
its best use. One of you should ring the bell to call a truce. Its sound
will remind you of your wedding vows, conjure up the happiest memories
from this day and help you resolve our differences lovingly and
compassionately. |
Love Letter and Wine Box
Ceremony
I am not certain who created this ceremony or I would give proper
attribution. The following is an article written by
Larry James and is entirely his work.
| Here's an idea that will certainly grab the
attention of the guests, add some pizzazz to your
ceremony and incorporate a new twist into your
celebration.
Here is what you will need:
- A wooden wine box
- a bottle of your favorite wine
- two love letters sealed in separate
envelopes
- a small hammer and several nails.
A few weeks before the wedding, take some time to
each write a letter to one another, expressing your
thoughts about the good qualities that you found in
your future partner, the reasons for falling in love
with them and your hopes and dreams for the future.
In other words, you write a "love letter" to each
other and place it in a sealed envelope, with the
name of your partner on the outside. Do not read
what the other has written.
Be creative with the box by putting foam inside
to support the wine bottle. Line the inside with
satin material. You can also include CDs of your
favorite music, favorite pictures of you together,
and other mementos making it your own romantic time
capsule. Keep the box in a place of honor as a
constant visual reminder of your love and commitment
to each other. The box can be a life preserver in
years to come.
The Wine Box should be opened on your 5th wedding
anniversary.
There is only one other reason the box should be
opened before your anniversary. If there should come
a time when you hit a bumpy road in your
relationship, before you give up or make any
irrational decisions, open the Wine Box. The hope is
that there will never be a reason to have to open
the box except on your anniversary!
Hit a rough spot in your relationship? Sit down
together, open the box, uncork the wine and unseal
the envelopes that you wrote for one another before
your wedding, go to separate rooms and quietly read
the love letter.
Even if you are not seeing eye-to-eye at that
very moment, it will remind you of all the reasons
you choose this person as your partner and all the
things that helped shape the life they've created
together. Never take your blessings of being
together for granted.
The romantic sentiments you wrote, the
declaration of love, the clear thoughts about why
you chose this person as your life partner will help
put you back on even ground. This is the perfect
ritual to remind you of your wedding day and your
intention to love and cherish each other in good
times and bad for as long as you both shall live.
Toward the end of your ceremony the Officiant
will state the purpose of the "Love Letter & Wine
Box Ceremony."
The Officiant will elaborate on the reasons for
the sealed love letters, place the sealed envelopes
in with the wine bottle and will speak about the
exercise that you went through. It should be
emphasized that the letters have not been read by
the Officiant or by anyone else.
The box will then be nailed shut. The Officiant
begins with the first nail, followed by the Bride
and Groom sealing the box shut. You can have each
member of your wedding party step up and nail the
box shut.
Your guests will be pleased to have been a
witness to something so unique and different at your
wedding ceremony. |
|
Rose and Vessel Ritual
This ritual carries with it a different symbolism than the
more common unity candle and sand ceremony. I know of two versions, one
utilizing Christian theology and this example below with a more humanist flavor.
It is a beautiful ritual and because it is less well known can seem all the more
meaningful. I actually like to mix it up and have the Groom present the vessel
to the Bride and the Bride present the rose to the groom. I think it challenges
traditional gender role stereotypes.
[Officiant]
Bride and Groom have chosen to share two symbolic gifts, The Marriage Vessel and
the Rose, to symbolize their life-long commitment to one another.
The spiritual roots of this ceremony grow out of an
understanding of creation, one gift (presenting the vessel) crafted lovingly by
human hands, the other (holding up the rose) brought forth by the glories of
nature.
This vessel is a symbol of love's strength and endurance. The
miracle of the vessel is that it not only protects, but is enriched and ennobled
by that which it holds.
Likewise, the rose born of the tiniest of seeds, symbolizes
both the beauty and the potential of love that blooms and grows through time.
Both the vessel and the rose are individually unique, yet when combined, they
create an object of even greater beauty.
The bride presents the vessel to the groom and says:
“Groom, this vessel represents the strength I see in you. I
thank you for the person you are and the person I am becoming because of your
love for me.”
The groom presents the rose to the bride:
“Bride, this rose represents the beauty I see in you I thank
you for the love and care you have given me and for all we will share together
in this life.”
Bride then places the rose in the vessel, they hold it
together and say:
“As our gifts bring beauty and purpose to each other may our
lives continue to enrich and strengthen one another.”
[Officiant]
Bride and Groom, as you share each passing day and as your days become years
remember this tradition you have created. On each wedding anniversary, place an
additional rose in your marriage vessel to demonstrate your ever growing love
for one another. May this gift always be a visual symbol of the beauty and
strength you bring to your life together.
Thirteen Coins
(Trece Monedas Arras de Oro)
This ritual originated in Spain,
is quite popular in Mexico, but is also used throughout Latin
America. The box and coins used in this ceremony are traditionally
given to the bride and groom as a gift. Whomever purchased the set
is typically the madrina de arras.
At the conclusion of the opening
words, the officiant calls for the box of coins and the madrina de
arras presents it to the officiant who then blesses the coins and
hands them to the bride. The bride then places them in the grooms
hands and he places them on a tray where the officiant has already
placed the box. Someone, perhaps a groomsman, holds the tray until
it is needed later in the wedding.
Just prior to the blessing of
the marriage near the conclusion of the wedding, the officiant calls
for the tray and puts the coins back into the box. The officiant
hands it to the groom who pours the coins into the bride's hands and
places the box on top. While this is happening the officiant
explains the symbolism of the ritual. The officiant then takes the
box, the bride pours the coins back and and the box returns to the
tray for safe keeping as a family heirloom.
The thirteen coins have two
meanings, primarily they represent Christ and his Twelve Disciples.
They have also been explained to represent the twelve months and the
honeymoon.
The original symbolism of the
ritual may be considered a bit dated. It represents the groom
recognizing his responsibility as the provider in the relationship.
He is therefore pledging his ability to support and care for the
bride and their family’s material needs. The bride’s acceptance of
the coins means she trusts him unconditionally with total
dedication. In some versions the ritual explains that while the
groom is expected to provide for the family, the bride will be the
one responsible for the stewardship of the money he earns.
If this symbolism is unrealistic
for your circumstances, it can easily be altered. One couple had me
explain that the ritual represented their pledge to one another to
be diligent and responsible householders who recognized that a
marriage is not just a uniting of two hearts and souls as one but
the creation of a new family with financial obligations and material
responsibilities to one another, any future children and their
community.
Like everyone else, rituals and
their meaning evolve over time so there is no loss in integrity by
reinterpreting the ritual to mean something more relevant to
contemporary circumstances. The ritual is a lovely way to honor
Hispanic heritage during a wedding ceremony while recognizing an
utterly realistic aspect of the marriage relationship.
Rose Ceremony
The Rose Ceremony is a gift
exchange that acknowledges the reality of marriage's difficulties,
and is quite touching indeed. The bride and groom exchange roses,
symbolizing the giving and receiving of their love throughout their
marriage. The ceremony explains how to use the rose and its
symbolism during those inevitable low points in our marriages when
we must find the strength and compassion to forgive one another.
Minister: You have symbolized your pledges to one another with
the giving and receiving of rings. They will always be an
external sign of the vows you have just made to love and respect one
another. They are a public demonstration of your commitment to your
marriage.
With the declaration of your vows and the exchange of your
rings, you have become husband and wife to one another. The rose has
long been considered a symbol of love and a single rose says, "I
love you." So it is highly appropriate you have chosen a single rose
to be the first gift you offer to your beloved as husband and wife.
<gestures to the roses, or hands the roses to the bride and groom
indicating they should exchange roses>
Minister: ____ and ____ it may seem you have not done much
significant at all. A moment ago you were holding one small rose -
and now you stand here before us holding one small rose. Tomorrow
may seem little different than yesterday, but in truth, you have
both given and received one of the most valuable and precious gifts
of life; the gift of true and abiding love within the devotion of
marriage.
In exchanging this gift, you also have made the commitment to
select a place in your future homes, a special place for roses. On
each anniversary you may take a rose to that sanctified space as a
recommitment to your marriage, and a recurring promise that this
marriage will be based upon love.
Sadly, it is often easiest to hurt those we love most and
easiest to be hurt by them as well. In every marriage there are
times when it is difficult to find the right words. We are at a loss
to express our desire to apologize and forgive, to tell our loved
ones how much we need them or how much pain we are in. When this
happens, leave a rose at the place you have designated and that rose
will tell the other what matters most of all.
That rose says, "I love you still." May the other accept this
rose for the words that cannot be found or uttered and remember the
love and hope you both share today.
____ and ___, when you recall this ceremony today, remember it
was love that brought you to this time and place. It is love which
makes this a glorious union and it is by your love you will find the
compassion and commitment that will allow your marriage to endure in
beauty, strength and delight.
Signing of
the License
Some couples like to ritualize the signing of
their marriage license. This can take place any time between the
exchange of vows and rings and the declaration of marriage. The
bride and groom have already signed their portion of the license so
this ritual simply consists of inviting their designated witnesses
forward for their signatures and then having the officiant complete
the certificate section of the license. This is an excellent time
for background music or a soloist.
Jumping the Broom
While this ritual is usually associated with either
African-American traditions or neo-paganism, it really is a lovely ceremony
component regardless of your ethnicity.
There are a number of
ways to include this ritual. Some couples conclude their ceremony with a Jumping
of the Broom while others do it at the reception. Jumping the Broom is a
custom that originated as the symbolic jumping the doorway, or threshold from a
carefree single life into the responsibilities of domestic life and a future
together. This is a popular African tradition. At the end of the
wedding ceremony, the guests gather around the bridal couple. A broom is placed
on the floor in front of the couple. The couple picks up the broom as the
officiant or a family member relates the history of the custom which stems back
from a time when slaves were prevented from marrying. This ritual was a way to
unite in ceremony. Recreating the ceremony is a way to represent the joining
together of two lives and the need for support of the marriage from the entire
community. The couple sweeps the broom in a circle together as the story is
told. At the conclusion of the story, they place the broom on the floor and hold
hands. The guests are instructed to count out loud to three. At the count of
three the newly wed couple jumps over the broom together.
Here is an alternate
version that blends the symbolism with the metaphor of a unification ceremony.
Minister: I now
ask _______ and ________ to come forward to represent (bride) and (groom's)
families. Will you each please hold one end of this broom as a gesture of
support for your children's marriage? By serving as anchors, these two families
provide (bride) and (groom) with the security of unconditional love and a source
of tradition, heritage and history.
The broom is an instrument of labor reminding us that a successful marriage
entails hard work as well as effortless passion. As a broom sweeps away that
which is unwanted in our homes, may you endeavor to sweep away any strife that
threatens your union. This broom will represent the strength, love,
togetherness, loyalty and respect essential for a successful marriage.
(Bride) and (Groom) may this broom always remind you of your new life and
commitment to each other. Display it proudly in your home. Whenever you see it,
may it be a joyous reminder of the way you felt today, your wedding day. May it
inspire a sense of honor and respect for your ancestors and their legacy.
Celebrate your rich cultural heritage, irrespective of race, religion and
nationality.
You may now leap into your new life as husband and wife.
<Bride and Groom jump the broom.>
Breaking of the Glass
This ritual is usually associated
with Jewish weddings, but is actually also an Italian tradition. In some regions
of Italy, the bride and groom shatter a vase or large glass together and the
number of pieces are said to represent the number of happy years they will
spend together. This is clearly a ritual to conclude a wedding ceremony. The
best way to prepare for it is to use a silk bag and a light bulb. Spectacular
shatter with minimal clean up. The wording of this ritual varies depending upon
which traditions and what symbolism the bridal couple wishes to acknowledge.
Wish Upon A Shell
Clearly this ritual is designed for beach weddings though
something similar can be done in other venues. For example, the words can be
altered and stones or pebbles used in a garden or park.
At this time, would everyone please take a shell from the
basket and follow me to the shoreline. On each shell you will find written
______ and _____'s names and today's date--the day they begin their life
together as husband and wife. Please take a moment to think about the future of
their union. Make a wish, say a prayer or just think a special thought for this
happy couple....and then toss your shell into the ocean where your hopes and
dreams will become one of the universe and join the well wishes of all of us
gathered here today.
Butterfly Release
This is a beautiful element that can replace the
tradition of rice, bird seed and bubbles, but not necessarily. It is
unique because it concludes the ceremony rather than occurring
after the
reception. So throwing bird seed or blowing bubbles is hardly precluded from the
festivities. The symbolism is reminiscent of the sand ceremony because it
concludes with a blessing regarding the infinite length of the marriage, but
does not convey the family blending aspect of unification rituals. Depending
upon the butterflies, it can also result in some spectacular photographs should
a few of the animals decide to attach themselves to a member of the bridal
party.
Minister: The
caterpillar is a lowly being, bound to the earth and bemoaned as an
indiscriminate consumer of abundant vegetation. Yet this homely creature, with
patience, care and sustenance becomes a venerated symbol of dignity and beauty.
We
now ask that you open the envelopes presented to you when you arrived today. The
release of these butterflies is important to (bride) and (groom) because it
demonstrates their commitment to the cycle of life.
What
is held captive cannot thrive. But when granted freedom in an environment of
opportunity and respect, lives to bring about another generation. May (bride)
and (groom's) marriage last as long as the offspring of these butterflies endure
in grace and liberty.
Dove (White Bird) Release
It
probably goes without saying that dove releases occur at the
conclusion of either the ceremony or the reception. I include them
in this list of additional rituals because they can be included to
conclude the wedding ceremony.
Please note: As romantic and photographic as this element may be, it
is not available in all areas. Dove release companies usually have a
limited geographical range as the birds are not taken more than
approximately 100-125 miles from their homes.
Minister: Doves have
long symbolized what we consider today to be essential elements of a
strong and healthy marriage. Love, devotion, fidelity and fertility.
Doves woo their mates and then mate for life. We witness them kiss
and touch their partners gently. Partnership is demonstrated by the
male selecting a site for the nest and bringing the building
materials while the female approves the location and arranges the
nest. In ancient Greco-Roman culture, a groom gave the bride's
family a dove as a symbol of his devotion and fidelity to his
bride. In Jewish and Christian scripture, the appearance of the
white dove symbolizes purity, fidelity and love. A long-standing
superstition says that if doves are seen on your wedding day, the
bride and groom is assured of a home filled with happiness, love,
fidelity and prosperity.
As a gesture that will
seal their vows, ____ and ____ will now release these two pure white
birds.
<couple releases birds>
They fly upwards and
circle above us, then will fly home together as a pair. They
symbolize ___ and ____ beginning their journey in life together.
____ and ____ our prayers, hopes and dreams go with you as you being
a life together, may your union be long, rich, harmonious and
rewarding. May your marriage capture all the wonderful qualities of
the white dove. |
Additional Rituals
