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In This Section
Exchange of Vows
Blessing of Rings
Exchange of Rings
Readings
Unity Rituals
Additional Rituals
Blessing of the Marriage
Declaration of Marriage
Including Family & Friends
Order of Service
Type and Tone
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The most familiar unity rituals are the Unity Candle and the Sand
Ceremony. However, there are many more and you needn't limit
yourself to just candles and sand. Virtually anything that can be
combined can be used to symbolize the blending of families and the
joining of two hearts as one. And like anything else for a wedding,
if you see something that appeals to you, but doesn't feel quite
right you can always mix and match, add, subtract, amend or
completely re-write.
Rituals of Unity are probably the most common added element in the
wedding ceremony beyond the exchange of vows, exchange of rings,
readings and the declaration of marriage. They symbolize the two
individuals working together in one relationship with common goals.
This ritual should not reference the extinguishing of two
individuals, but rather emphasize the common purpose and the desire
for the relationship to endure for the duration of their lives. The
couple is acknowledging that from this day forward each individual
decision has consequences for them both.
The Unity Candle is probably the most
well known of the unification ceremonies, but not at all practical at outdoor
weddings or in venues that prohibit flames. In this ceremony, either the bride
and groom may light their individual candles or representatives of their
respective families may do so. While the officiant explains the symbolism of the
ritual, the couple lights a central pillar using their two individual candles.
The following are a few examples of unity candle rituals.
Unity Candle I
The two outside candles _____ and ____ are lighting represent
all they were, all they are and all they will ever be. They are two distinct lights, symbolizing not only the
families that brought them to this moment, but also the two unique individuals
entering into the sacred bond of matrimony.
As they each take a candle and together light the center one,
it now represents the coming together of two lives in a marriage relationship.
____ and ____ acknowledge that although they remain separate individuals with
their own unique strengths and weaknesses, they now accept the other as their
highest priority. The decisions they make will be shared and the consequences
affect them both.
A marriage neither results in two distinct personalities, nor
the complete surrender of individuals into a partnership. Rather it is a
relationship that strengthens the individual through love, honor and respect. As this one light cannot be divided, neither shall their union be divided.
Unity Candle II
________ and ________, the two outside candles burning here
represent your lives at this moment. Each light is distinct, each able to go its
separate way. ________ and ________ are two persons; unique, complex, individual
human beings. And the same Creator who gave each of you your individuality and
uniqueness is now giving you to each other. The mystery shall be fulfilled. The
two shall become one flesh. From now on, what each of you have been
individually, you will become together. What will touch your lives as
individuals will become a part of a new unity. As each of you take a candle,
carry the flame to the center candle and light it in unison, thus may the center
fire represent the new unity being celebrated in this service. As the one center
light cannot be divided, neither can your lives. May the one in whose name you
are joined, who worked in your lives as individuals, continue to walk with you
in your life together.
Unity Candle III
The two
outside candles have been lighted to represent both (Bride) and
(Groom) in this moment. They are two distinct lights, each
capable of going their separate ways. To bring bliss and
happiness to their home, there must be the merging of these two
lights into one light. From now on their thoughts shall be for
each other. Their plans shall be mutual, their joys and sorrows
shared alike.
(Bride) and (Groom),
please take a candle and together light the center one.
This center candle
represents the union of their lives in heart, body and soul. As
this one light cannot be divided, may the radiance be a
testimony of their unity. Their two individual candles continue
burning. In the same way, (Bride) and (Groom) will continue to
be two unique individuals in the midst of their marriage—two
individuals who support and nurture one another to the glory of
their union. May it always be so.
Unity Candle IV
(There are four candles. Only one is lit, the tallest one
standing behind a lower, but perhaps wider candle, two unlit candles are in
holders on either side.)
One candle has been lit before and above all others, the candle which represents
the presence of the divine in our lives. Together you will each take a candle
and light it from the divinity candle. All that each of you have ever been, are
now, or ever will be, is grounded in the presence of the divine. Together you
will light the center candle from your separate lights, symbolizing that you
bring your light, and the divine light to this marriage. All lights will remain
lit as a testimony that divinity will shine through your marriage and through
your own individual lives. Let your lights shine.
The Sand Ceremony has become quite
popular as an alternative to the unity candle. Because no flames are involved it
lends itself well to outdoor weddings, particularly at the beach. The couple can
purchase a sand ceremony kit from a wedding supply vendor, assemble a kit using
the items available at a craft store, or simply bring their own containers and
use sand or dirt available at the wedding site. I do highly recommend this
ceremony in lieu of a unity
candle for outdoor weddings because of the vagaries of the wind.
Sand
Ceremony I: Most Popular
_____ and_____, you
have just sealed your relationship by the giving and receiving of rings. Today
this relationship is further symbolized through the pouring of these two
individual containers of sand. One, representing you, _____, and all that you
were, all that you are and all that you will ever be. The other, representing
you, _____, and all that you were, all that you are and all that you will ever
be. As these two containers of sand are poured into the third container, they
are joined together as one. As the sand is now blended, we see it flows together
in a lovely pattern that allows us to see the individual colors while
appreciating the creation of something new and beautiful—just as you encourage
and support one another’s individuality in the context of a strong union. Our
prayer for you today is that your lives together be longer than the time it
would take to separate the individual grains of sand.
Sand Ceremony II: With Family
Representatives
_______ and _______, you have just sealed your relationship by the giving and
receiving of rings. Your bond is further symbolized by the blending of two
individual containers of sand. At this time I invite ____ and ____
to come forward representing the families that raised and nurtured
you. The vessels of sand they now present to you on your wedding day
represent the love and support of your families and their hopes and
dreams for your future. As you now pour your sand into the
third container, their hopes and dreams blend with your own goals
for your marriage. Your two families are now united in an ever
widening circle of love. Just as these grains of sand can never be
separated and poured again into the individual containers, so shall
you be forever united as one partnership with a common purpose, to
love, cherish and honor one another from this day forward.
Sand Ceremony III:
Requires a Vase with a Cork or Seal
(Bride and Groom) , will you now hold
close to your heart the container of sand representing the essence
of all that you are and all the gifts you bring to this union? As
you do so, endow the grains with your hopes and dreams for the
future and the personality that makes you unique and wonderful in
one another’s eyes. You are two individuals who have chosen to
create a new life with endless possibilities. Will you now pour the
sand that is to represent all that you bring to this union?
(As the bride and groom intermingle their
sand)
Bring to mind the strength of your promises and
the honesty, integrity and determination with which you have pledged
yourselves to one another. Think of how you give yourselves to one
another with complete trust and fidelity. Now please seal the vessel
as a reminder that nothing is more important nor more sacred than
the bond you share as confidant, advocate, friend and lover, husband
and wife, now and forever.
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Blended Family Sand Ceremony |
Sand Ceremony IV
(Bride and Groom), will you now hold close to
your heart the container of sand representing the essence of all
that you are and all the gifts you bring to this union? As you do
so, remember that like these grains of sand, your differences and
uniqueness are a wonderful gift you give to one another. Once this
sand is poured it can never be separated for it has moved on to
create something new and beautiful that shall be forever shared,
much in the same way your marriage will forever join your lives.
Will you now pour the sand that represents both
your individuality and your togetherness within your union?
As you pour remember marriage is a promise to
be together in harmony while you let the winds of the heavens dance
between you—to empower one another, to care for each other, to share
your lives and unite as one. Bring your union to the foreground of
your thoughts always so that in the triumphs and trials that lie
before ahead, you will feel as you do now—happy to be in love and
married to one another. Be at peace and live more and more in the
present, which is beautiful and stretches away beyond the limits of
the past and towards the horizons of the future.
Sand Ceremony V: Blended Family
At this time I would like to
invite (child or children) to come forward.
(Bride and Groom) have bound
their lives together as a couple, but it is also right and
fitting to celebrate and acknowledge the importance of
(child or children) as they all come together to build a
family.
(Bride and Groom's)
individual containers of sand represent the essence of all
they are and the gifts they bring to this union. They will
first pour their sands into the center vase, showing that
their marriage is the foundation of this family. Their sands
mix together and symbolize their bond of love and respect
that can never be separated.
As (child or children) add his/her/their
sand, we are reminded we are all different people and it is
our unique personalities that add the beautiful color to the
tapestry of the family.
(Bride and Groom)
now seal the union with the remainder of their sand
surrounding (child or children) in an environment of
unconditional love. May this family remain, not dependent
upon one another, but interdependent and as colorful as the
sands that fill this vessel.
A flower ceremony can be as simple as
a unity ritual between just the bride and groom with each placing a flower into
a bud vase. Additionally, a flower
ceremony is particularly fitting for subsequent marriages when
blended families are involved. The parents and children
join the bride and groom for this inter-generational ritual. Each
individual adds a flower to a vase while the officiant talks about
the joys and challenges of blending families. Silk flowers can be
used to create a keepsake centerpiece. This is also a lovely
ceremony in which the invited guests may participate. Have your
ushers or a few young ladies distribute long-stemmed silk flowers to
your guests as they arrive to be seated. While the guests are coming
forward to place their flowers into the vase can be a wonderful time
to incorporate music into the ceremony as well. The words spoken during
this ritual depend entirely upon the circumstances and how the
ceremony is being adapted for the wedding.
Prior to the wedding day, the mothers
of the bridal couple are asked to purchase a cord in their child's favorite
color or to gather a swatch of material (perhaps from a sentimental piece of
clothing that belonged to their child at one time), w hich
the officiant will ask for during the wedding ceremony. The mothers are prompted
to present the cord to their child. The couple then ties a lover's knot, binding
them together which they may save to look back on later. The wording for such a
ceremony might be as follows:
(Bride) and (Groom),
you have just sealed your relationship by the giving and
receiving of rings. Today this relationship is further
symbolized by the tying of a lover’s knot.
At
this time I invite (Bride) and (Groom)'s mothers to come forward
to represent their respective families. These families have
raised and nurtured this man and this woman and helped them
become the person each holds most dear. It is right and fitting
to acknowledge that now these two previously separate circles of
love are being united in a new and wider circle.
____ ,
please drape the cord over your son's wrist. It represents the
wishes and blessings your family bestows upon your child, all
that he is now and all he may become.
____, please drape the cord over your daughter's wrist. This
cord represents the wishes and blessings your family bestows
upon your child, all she is now and all she may become.
____
and ____ please tie these cords over your children's hands as a
visual symbol of the joining of your two families through their
hearts, bodies and souls. May their marriage endure in faith and
fidelity knowing they have the blessing and support of the
families that gave them life, hope and love.
(Bride) and (Groom), woven into this cord, within its very
fibers, are all your hopes and dreams. With the fastening of
this knot I secure the love and happiness wished here on this
day for your new life together. May this cord draw your hands
together in love, never to be used in anger. May the pledges you
have made never grow bitter in your hearts. Two entwined in
love, bound by all which brings strength to this union. Hold
tight to one another through both good times and bad, and watch
as your strength grows. Your bond is not formed of the knots of
this cord, but instead by your pledges to one another. May your
bond never be broken.
A handfasting ceremony is fairly
similar to a knot ceremony except the parents are generally not involved.
Handfastings are popular with couples who want to honor a Celtic heritage or
invoke their neo-pagan spiritual beliefs. I have an example of a handfasting in
the sample wedding called A Celtic Flavour. It
includes a blessing of the cardinal directions and concludes very much like the
knot ceremony above.
Rituals of sharing do not have the same symbolism as do
rituals of unity, but they are somewhat similar in that they emphasize the
partnership. Rather than the focus being on the coming together of two people
into one relationship, rituals of sharing focus on what that means in practical
terms. Marriage isn't for better or for worse, it's for better and
for worse. These rituals are visible metaphors for the commitment the couple
is making to be with one another in both good times and in bad.
(Bride and Groom) have just sealed their
relationship with the giving and receiving of rings. Today their
union is further symbolized by partaking from the Native American
wedding vase. The wedding vase has two spouts coming from the same
vessel. As individuals, you have had different experiences and bring
together different strengths. The two spouts of the wedding vase
represent each of you as individuals. As husband and wife, you will
continue to be individuals, yet you will always drink from the same
vessel of life. (Bride and Groom), as you share this one water from
two spouts, so may each of you share contentment, comfort and
happiness from the common cup of your marriage. May you find life's
joys great, its bitterness sweetened and all things enriched by your
companionship and love. Bride and Groom each
drink from the wedding vase.
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Wine Ceremony at
the wedding of
Jim Reilly and
Susan Smith
December 31, 2009
Photo Courtesy:
April Plourde of
Shutterbug
Photos |
A wine ceremony symbolizes the marriage bond that persists in times and joy and in
sorrow. It emphasizes the idea that in a strong and healthy partnership,
joys are multiplied and sorrows divided when you share them.
Minister: It is the goal of marriage to achieve a blending of hearts and
lives—but let there be spaces in your new life together, so that each may
encourage and nurture the individual growth of the other. Even so, your separate
lives will become on life; your separate homes, one home, your separate
fortunes, one fortune. Over the horizon of the future, there come toward you even now
hours of brightness and hours of shadow, for such is the nature of life.
(Pick up the goblet of sweet wine.)
Life has, indeed, many bright and happy experiences, of which
this sweet wine is a token. As you drink of it together, may it serve as a
symbol of the joy that comes with loving and sharing, and may your happiness be
tempered with gratitude and modesty and a bountiful sympathy for those who are
less fortunate than you.
(Pass goblet to partner #1, who drinks and passes it to
partner #2, who drinks and passes it back to you. Return goblet to table and
pick up goblet of bitter wine.)
But when hardship and sorrow and disappointment come, of which
this bitter wine is a token, may you care enough to help one another with
courage and compassion, neither one blaming the other for folly or failure, or
regretting the obligation of marriage to share and bear together the chances and
changes of a life deeply lived.
(Goblet is passed as above.)
May you ever live in
harmony as your joys become more intense and your burdens lighter
because your experience them together. |
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Unity Rituals
