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The most familiar unity rituals are the Unity Candle and the
Sand Ceremony. However, there are many more and you needn't limit yourself to
just candles and sand. Virtually anything that can be combined can be used to
symbolize the blending of families and the joining of two hearts as one. And
like anything else for a wedding, if you see something that appeals to you, but
doesn't feel quite right you can always mix and match, add, subtract, amend or
completely re-write.
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Unity Candle
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Sand Ceremony
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Wine Ceremony
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Flower Ceremony
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Knot Ceremony
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Handfasting
The Unity Candle is probably the most
well known of the unification ceremonies, but not entirely practical at outdoor
weddings or in venues that prohibit flames. In this ceremony, either the bride
and groom may light their individual candles or representatives of their
respective families
may do so. While the officiant explains the symbolism of the ritual, the couple
lights a central pillar using their two individual candles. The following are a
few examples of unity candle rituals.
Unity Candle I
The two outside candles _____ and ____ are lighting represent
all they were, all they are and all they will ever be.
They are two distinct lights, symbolizing not only the
families that brought them to this moment, but also the two unique individuals
entering into the sacred bond of matrimony.
As they each take a candle and together light the center one,
it now represents the coming together of two lives in a marriage relationship.
As this one light cannot be divided, neither shall their union be divided.
A marriage neither results in two distinct personalities, nor
the complete surrender of individuals into a partnership. Rather it is a
relationship that strengthens the individual through love, honor and respect.
Unity Candle II
________ and ________, the two outside candles burning here
represent your lives at this moment. Each light is distinct, each able to go its
separate way. ________ and ________ are two persons; unique, complex, individual
human beings. And the same Creator who gave each of you your individuality and
uniqueness is now giving you to each other. The mystery shall be fulfilled. The
two shall become one flesh. From now on, what each of you have been
individually, you will become together. What will touch your lives as
individuals will become a part of a new unity. As each of you take a candle,
carry the flame to the center candle, and extinguish the small candle, thus let
the center fire represent the new unity being celebrated in this service. As the
one center light cannot be divided, neither can your lives. May the one in whose
name you are joined, who worked in your lives as individuals, continue to walk
with you in your life together.
Unity Candle III
The two outside candles have been lighted to represent both
your lives in this moment. They are two distinct lights, each capable of going
their separate ways. To bring bliss and happiness to your home, there must be
the merging of these two lights into one light. From now on your thoughts shall
be for each other rather than your individual selves. Your plans shall be
mutual, your joys and sorrows shall be shared alike. As you each take a candle
and together light the center one, you will extinguish your own candles, thus
letting the center candle represent the union of your lives into one flesh. As
this one light cannot be divided, neither shall your lives be divided but a
united testimony in your home. May the radiance of this one light be a testimony
of your unity.
Unity Candle IV
(There are four candles. Only one is lit, the tallest one
standing behind a lower, but perhaps wider candle, two unlit candles are in
holders on either side.)
One candle has been lit before and above all others, the candle which represents
the presence of the divine in our lives. Together you will each take a candle
and light it from the divinity candle. All that each of you have ever been, are
now, or ever will be, is grounded in the presence of the divine. Together you
will light the center candle from your separate lights, symbolizing that you
bring your light, and the divine light to this marriage. All lights will remain
lit as a testimony that divinity will shine through your marriage and through
your own individual lives. Let your lights shine.
Unity Candle V
The candles which ________ and ________ now light represents
the coming together of their two lives in a marriage relationship. Their two
individual candles continue burning. In the same way, ________ and ________ will
continue to be two unique individuals in the midst of their marriage.
Sand Ceremony
The Sand Ceremony has become quite
popular as an alternative to the unity candle. Because no flames are involved it
lends itself well to outdoor weddings, particularly at the beach. The couple can
purchase a sand ceremony kit from a wedding supply vendor, assemble a kit using
the items available at a craft store, or simply bring their own containers and
use sand or dirt available at the wedding site. I do highly recommend this
ceremony in lieu of a unity
candle for outdoor weddings because of the vagaries of the wind.
Sand Ceremony I
_____ and _____, you have just
sealed your relationship by the giving and receiving of rings. Today this
relationship is further symbolized through the pouring of these two individual
containers of sand.
One, representing you, _____ and all that you were, all that
you are and all that you will ever be. The other, representing you, _____ and
all that you were, all that you are and all that you will ever be. As these two
containers of sand are poured into the third container, the individual
containers of sand will no longer exist, but will be joined together as one.
Our prayer for you today is that your lives together would be
longer than the time it would take to separate the individual grains of sand.
Sand Ceremony II
_______ and _______, you have just sealed your relationship by the giving and
receiving of rings and the exchange of a kiss, and this covenant is a
relationship pledge between two people who agree that they will commit
themselves to one another throughout their lives. The most beautiful example of
this partnership is the marriage relationship. You have committed here today to
share the rest of your lives with each other. Today, this relationship is
symbolized through the pouring of these two individual containers of sand one,
representing you, _______ and all that you were, all that you are, and all that
you will ever be, and the other representing you, _______, and all that you were
and all that you are, and all that you will ever be. As these two containers of
sand are poured into the third container, the individual containers of sand will
no longer exist, but will be joined together as one. Just as these grains of
sand can never be separated and poured again into the individual containers, so
will your marriage be.
Sand Ceremony III
_______________ and __________________, will you now step
forward and hold close to your heart the container of sand representing the
essence of all that you are and all that you bring to this union? As you do so,
endow the grains with all your hopes and dreams for the future and all the
particles of personality that make you unique and wonderful in one another's
eyes.
Two individuals have chosen to create a new life with
endless possibilities and new dreams that belong to them both. Will you now pour
the sand that is to represent all that you bring to this union from the paths
you have traveled to get to this day?
As the Bride and Groom intermingle their sand
Bring to mind the strength of your promises, the honesty
integrity and determination with which you make them Think of how you give
yourselves, trustingly and whole-heartedly to one another and to the spirit of
your marriage.
And now please seal the vessel with love as a reminder
that nothing is more important nor more sacred than the bond you share as
confidant and advocate, friend and lover, husband and wife now and forever.
Sand Ceremony IV
________and _________, will you now step up to the altar
and hold close to your heart the container of sand representing the essence of
all that you are and all that you bring to this union. As you do so, remember
that like these grains of sand your differences and uniqueness are a wonderful
gift that you give to one another, as important to your relationship as your
commonality and the strength of your togetherness. Once this sand is poured it
can never be separated, for it has moved on to create something new and
beautiful, that shall be forever shared, much in that same way that your
marriage will forever join your lives.
Bride and Groom come to behind the altar and each take
their own container of sand in hand
Will you now pour the sand that is to represent both your
individuality and your togetherness within your union?
Bride and Groom intermingle their sand
As you pour remember marriage is a promise to be together
in harmony and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. To empower each
other and allow your relationship to evolve to it's highest purpose. To sing and
dance together and be joyful. To care for one another, share your lives with one
another and to unite in spirits with every fiber of your being. Bring your union
to the foreground of your thoughts always and through all of your moments
together, so that in the triumphs and trials that lie ahead, you will you will
feel just as you do now - happy to be in love and married to one another. Be at
peace and live more and more in the present, which is beautiful and stretches
away beyond the limits of the past and towards the horizons of the future.
Bride and Groom finish pouring their sand
And will you now seal the vessel as a reminder that
nothing is more important nor more sacred than the bond that you share as
husband and wi fe.
Bride and Groom seal the
vessel and return to the front of the altar.
Sand Ceremony: Blended Family
Just as we have now bound (Bride and Groom) to one another, we
will now celebrate the unification of their children (names...) into this
covenant. The couple will first pour their sands into the vase, showing that
their marriage is the foundation of this family. Their sands mix together and
symbolize their bond of love and respect that can never be separated. As their
children (names....) now add their sands, we are reminded that though we are all
different people, it is our individuality which adds a unique color to the
tapestry of the family. Like the sands of the bride and groom, so these sands
will also mix and be unable to be separated. (Bride and Groom) now seal
the union with their sand that surrounds their children in an environment of
unconditional love. May this family remain interdependent and as colorful as the
sands that fill this vessel.
As with the other unification
ceremonies, the bride and the groom each have an individual vessel and blend
their contents into a third. In a wine ceremony, the couple may each have the
same wine or they may opt for one to pour red wine while the other pours white.
The effect is aesthetically pleasing, but I am not sure I would serve the
results at the reception. The officiant guides the couple through the ritual and
explains the symbolism to the guests.
Alternately, a wine ceremony can be
used to symbolize the marriage bond that persists in times and joy and in
sorrow.
Example:
It is the goal of marriage to achieve a blending of hearts and
lives—but let there be spaces in your new life together, so that each may
encourage and nurture the individual growth of the other. Even so, your separate
lives will become on life; your separate homes, one home, your separate
fortunes, one fortune.
Over the horizon of the future, there come toward you even now
hours of brightness and hours of shadow, for such is the nature of life.
(Pick up the goblet of sweet wine.)
Life has, indeed, many bright and happy experiences, of which
this sweet wine is a token. As you drink of it together, may it serve as a
symbol of the joy that comes with loving and sharing, and may your happiness be
tempered with gratitude and modesty and a bountiful sympathy for those who are
less fortunate than you.
(Pass goblet to partner #1, who drinks and passes it to
partner #2, who drinks and passes it back to you. Return goblet to table and
pick up goblet of bitter wine.)
But when hardship and sorrow and disappointment come, of which
this bitter wine is a token, may you care enough to help one another with
courage and compassion, neither one blaming the other for folly or failure, or
regretting the obligation of marriage to share and bear together the chances and
changes of a life deeply lived.
(Goblet is passed as above.)
Flower Ceremony
A flower ceremony is particularly
fitting for subsequent marriages when blended families are involved. The parents
and children join the bride and groom for this inter-generational ritual. Each
individual adds a flower to a vase while the officiant talks about the joys and
challenges of blending families. Silk flowers can be used to create a keepsake
centerpiece. This is also a lovely ceremony in which the invited guests may
participate. Have your ushers or a few young ladies distribute long-stemmed silk
flowers to your guests as they arrive to be seated.
Knot Ceremony
Prior to the wedding day, the mothers
of the bridal couple are asked to purchase a cord in their child's favorite
color or to gather a swatch of material (perhaps from a sentimental piece of
clothing that belonged to their child at one time), which the officiant will ask
for during the wedding ceremony. The mothers are prompted to present the cord to
their child. The couple then ties a lover's knot, binding them together which
they may save to look back on later. The wording for such a ceremony might be as
follows:
Minister: At this time I ask ________ and ________'s
mothers to come forward to represent their respective families. These families
have raised and nurtured this man and this woman and helped them become the
person each holds most dear. It is right and fitting to acknowledge that now
these two previously separate circles of love are being united in a new and
wider circle.
_______, I ask you now to drape the cord over your
son's wrist. This cord represents all the wishes and blessings your family
bestows upon your child, all that he is now and all that he may become.
_______, I ask you now to drape the cord over your
daughter's wrist. This cord represents all the wishes and blessings your family
bestows upon your child, all that she is now and all that she may become.
________ and ________ please tie these cords over
your children's hands as a visual symbol of the joining of your two families
through their hearts, bodies and souls. Our prayer today is that their marriage
endure in faith and fidelity knowing they have the blessing and support of the
families that gave them life, hope and love.
Handfasting
Like neo-paganism in general, handfasting is performed in many
different ways and there really is no wrong way to go about it. The tradition is
considered to have Celtic roots, but again like paganism, its history often
depends upon whom you ask. I do not provide a sample here because the options
are so broad and depend entirely upon the spiritual paths of the couple
involved. Is this Goddess to be invoked, the Lord and Lady, or additional
spirits and elements?
Handfasting is a lovely element, but it should also be
spiritually meaningful to the parties involved. I recommend this more as a
religious and spiritual element within a wedding ceremony, not necessarily a
cultural one.
Example:
Minister: In times past, it was believed that the human soul shared characteristics with all things divine. It is this belief which assigned virtues to the cardinal directions: East, South, West, and North. It is in this tradition that a blessing is offered in support of this handfasting ceremony. Blessed be this union with the gifts of the East, the symbol of Air. The intertwining of the heart, mind, and body. Fresh beginnings with the rising of each Sun, and the knowledge of the growth found in the sharing of silences. Blessed be this union with the gifts of the South, the symbol of fire. The warmth of hearth and home, the heat of the heart's passion, and the light created by both to lighten the darkest of times. Blessed be this union with the gifts of the West, the symbol of water. The deep commitments of the lake, the swift excitement of the river, the refreshing cleansing of the rain, and the all encompassing passion of the sea. Blessed be this union with the gifts of the North, the symbol of Earth. The firm foundation on which to build a stable home to which you may always return, and the steadfastness you give to one another. Each of these blessings from the four cardinal directions encompasses those things which will help you build a happy and successful union. Look into each others eyes and join your hands. Officiant drapes the cord and fastens a loose knot. Woven into this cord, within its very fibers, are all your hopes and dreams. With the fastening of this knot I secure the love and happiness wished here on this day for your new life together. May this cord draw your hands together in love, never to be used in anger. May the pledges you have made never grow bitter in your hearts. Two entwined in love, bound by all which brings strength to this union. Hold tight to one another through both good times and bad, and watch as your strength grows. The knots of this binding are not formed by these chords but instead by your vows. Either of you may drop the chords, for as always, you hold in your own hands the making or breaking of this union. May that which has been united before this company be not rent by another.
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Unity Rituals
