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I encourage you to choose
your vows carefully as they should be a meaningful pledge you honestly believe
you will make every effort to fulfill. Your vow expresses your feelings for your
partner, indicates your intention to make a lifelong commitment and makes
realistic promises defining your primary responsibilities as a spouse.
You can
exchange your vows in any number of ways. Ad lib and say what comes off the top
of your heads—always good for a laugh. Memorize your vows and recite them to one
another. Write down your vows and read them to each other during the ceremony.
Due to the nerves associated with weddings, most couples do tend to choose vows
they “repeat after me” or to which they respond, “I do.” I am seeing more
couples combine vow formants and opt to say a few words to one another and then
finish their pledges with a more traditional “repeat after me” or “I do” vow.
Please
note, while my "What
Won't You Do"
page is light and humorous, I am quite serious I will not officiate a wedding in
which the vows contain a pledge of obedience. If this is important to you, I
encourage you to find another officiant.
1. Choosing Your Vows
TheYour first step is to decide on the format that best suits your
personalities. Painfully shy individuals should never be forced to memorize
their vows, and likewise, the romantic extrovert who wants to express himself or
herself with self-written vows should not be constrained to simply respond, “I
do.” While most couples use the same format, you do not have to exchange your
vows in the same way. It is perfectly fine if one recites from memory while the
other “repeats after me.”
2.
The next thing is to decide what is important to you. What aspects of
marriage do you want to emphasize in the context of your vows? What can you
realistically promise one another within the marriage bond?
·
Friendship
·
Loyalty
·
Respect
·
Love
·
Permanency
·
Fidelity
·
Companionship
·
Responsibility
·
Compassion
·
Trust
·
Encouragement
3.
Finally you want to decide on the type of language to use in your vows. Are more
traditional or contemporary words important to you. Do you want a formal or
casual tone to your vows?
Vow Formats
You may
find a marriage vow you feel is appropriate, but want to convert it into a
different format. Any vow can be changed to suit the way you want to exchange
your pledges to one another.
Recited:
“(Name),
please share with us your pledges to (Name).”
with the
couple then reciting or reading their previously memorized or written vows.
Responsive:
“(Name),
please look into (Name’s) eyes as I ask you; “Do you / Will you….”
to which the couple responds "I will" or "I do."
Repetitive:
“(Name),
please look into (Name’s) eyes as you repeat after me, …”
prompting the couple in a series of easily repeated lines.
Combination:
The couple
may opt to combine two of the above vow styles. This first example was written
by a couple I married in June 2006. Their vows begin in the repetitive style and
then transition into responsive.
(Name),
you are my one true love,
my best
friend, my soul mate.
You
complete my spirit
and
compliment my soul.
Today,
before our family,
our
friends and the heavens
I pledge
my love to you,
And
promise to share
the rest
of my life with you.
(Name), I
will honor these promises
until the
end of time.
When two
souls believe their love is forever,
the
heavens make it so.
Do you
(Name) and (Name) promise to trust, respect and celebrate each other? Grow
together by unselfishly encouraging, appreciating, nurturing and supporting each
other? Laugh, play and enjoy the simple pleasures together? Help each other stay
focused on the important things in life and not sweat the small stuff? Be there
and comfort each other always? Be faithful to each other? Begin and end each
day with the words, "I love you?" ~ We do.
The
following vow is presented in three different formats.
Recited:
I, (name),
in the presence of our families and friends, take you, (name) to be my lawfully
wedded husband / wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, for
richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health. I will love and honor you,
offering my friendship and trust in you, promising to be faithful and
understanding as long as we both shall live.
Responsive:
(Name), in
the presence of your families and friends, do you take (name) to be your
lawfully wedded husband / wife? Do you promise to be true to him in good times
and in bad, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health? Do you vow to
love and honor him, offering your friendship and trust in him, promising to be
faithful and understanding as long as you both shall live?
Repetitive:
In the
presence of our families and friends,
I,
__________take you, _______
to be my
lawfully wedded husband / wife.
I promise
to be true to you
in good
times and in bad,
for richer
and for poorer,
in
sickness and in health.
I promise
to love and honor you
offering
my friendship and trust in you,
promising
to be faithful and understanding
as long as
we both shall live.
 Vow
Language
You may
stumble across a vow containing the sentiments you wish to express, but find it
either too stilted or too casual. By altering a few words, using full names or
nick names, you can easily change a vow to suit your personalities and the tone
of your wedding. The vows below say essentially the same thing, but I think
you'll agree convey a different tone.
I, (name), take you (name), to be my lawfully wedded (wife/husband), to have and
to hold from this day forward, for better and for worse, for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, keeping myself only unto you
until death we do part.
I, (name), take you, (name), to be my beloved (wife/husband), to honor and
treasure, to be at your side in times of sorrow and in times of joy, to love and
comfort you always, pledging my faithfulness to our union, for all the days of
my life.
Sample Vows
The
following list of vows is far from exhaustive, but hopefully will give you some
ideas. It does not begin to touch the creativity we can bring to your own
ceremony. You can find more vows in the sample ceremonies
on this site, at other sites on the internet and in wedding planning books. I am
always happy to help you craft your own unique vows if you would like some
assistance.
1.
1. I, (name), take you (name), to be my lawfully wedded (wife/husband), to
have and to hold from this day forward, for better and for worse, for richer,
for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, keeping myself
only unto you until death we do part.
2.
2. I, (name), take you, (name), to be my beloved (wife/husband), to honor
and treasure, to be at your side in times of sorrow and in times of joy, to love
and comfort you always, pledging my faithfulness to our union, for all the days
of my life.
3.
3.
I, (name), take you (name) to be my husband./wife. I promise to be true
to you through the inevitable changes life brings. I will remain by your side in
times of want and times of plenty. When we are ill and when we are well, when we
grieve and when we rejoice, I will love and honor you all the days of my life. I
offer my trust in you, vowing to be faithful and understanding from this day
forward.
4.
4.
(Name), I give to you everything I am and everything I will ever be. I
value our friendship beyond measure. I promise to share your dreams and help you
achieve your goals. I will never stand behind you or in front of you but always
beside you. I will listen to you with an open heart and an open mind pledging my
honesty, compassion, fidelity and forgiveness. I promise to love you no matter
what tomorrow brings. I will always be your most loyal friend and your loving
husband/wife because you are my heart and my soul now and forever.
5.
5.
(Name), you are the person I want to share my life with. I want to be the
one to give you warmth when you are cold, comfort when you are in pain, joy when
you are sad. I will care for you as you care for me, sharing equally in the
responsibilities we both bring to our marriage. I will support you in all your
endeavors. I give you my trust and promise to be worthy of your trust. I will
remain by your side now and forever as your husband/wife.
6.
6.
I, (name), vow to love you, (name), and care for you as long as we both
shall live. I take you, with all your faults and your strengths, as I offer
myself to you with my faults and my strengths. I will help you when you need
help, and will turn to you when I need help. I choose you as the person with
whom I will spend my life.
7.
7.
I, (name), am proud to marry you, (name), the woman/man I want by my side
for the rest of my life. I promise to give you all the love, courtesy, respect,
and attention a good union demands. I dedicate myself in mind, body, heart and
soul to bring you happiness and comfort from this day forward.
8.
8.
(Name), you are the love of my life, the inspiration I have always
sought. I pledge my dedication to you for the rest of my life. I love you with
all of my heart and soul. I will do everything within my power to ensure your
happiness and well-being. I, (name), take you, from this day forward, to be a
part of me, and promise to look upon you forever with dedication, understanding,
and unconditional love.
9.
9.
(Name), I love you with all my heart and soul. You are everything I could
hope to find in a woman/man. You are loving, thoughtful, caring, smart, and
beautiful/handsome in my eyes. Your love always makes me feel like the happiest
and luckiest man/woman alive. I am proud to have you as my life's partner and
promise I will always be at your side.
10.
10.
(Name), I love you. You are my best friend. Today I, (name), commit
myself to you. I promise to encourage and inspire you, to laugh with you and
comfort you. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, when life
seems easy and when it seems hard. When our love is simple, and when it is an
effort. I promise to cherish you, and to always hold you in highest regard.
These things I give to you now and forever.
11.
11.
Today I marry my best friend, the one I will live with, dream with, and
love. I (name) take you to be my husband/wife/partner. From this day forward I
will cherish you, looking with joy down the path of our tomorrows knowing we
will walk it together side by side, hand in hand and heart to heart.
12.
12.
(Name), I pledge my heart, body and soul to our union. I promise to
support you in your endeavors and counsel you when you need my guidance. I will
accept your counsel with an open heart and open mind. I will share my thoughts,
dreams, hopes and fears with you. I will hold you close when you laugh and when
you cry. I vow to be a strong individual within a solid union so we may both
grow in love and wisdom for the rest of our days.
13.
13.
I, (name), take you, (name) to be my husband/wife/partner. I pledge
myself this day to trust and appreciate you. I promise to respect and cherish
your uniqueness and to support, comfort and strengthen you through life's joys
and sorrows. I promise to build a life together based upon mutual concern,
compassion and honor. I will be faithful and loving, in good times and in bad,
from this day forward.
14.
14.
I, (name) give to you, (name) my vow of sacred matrimony. I acknowledge
our individuality and respect the natural space that will reside comfortably
between us. I promise to bridge that space with open communication, silent
understanding and heartfelt compassion. I promise to act loving so as to be
loving. I promise to love passionately, argue fairly and support you
unfailingly. I gladly accept the responsibilities that come with our
relationship. I love you and pledge my fidelity all the days of our lives.
15.
15. (Name), today, I give you my love, my heart and my hope for our
future together. I promise to increase your joy in times of happiness, diminish
your pain in times of sorrow and love you more and more each day. My love for
you is eternal. I pledge my faithfulness and honor from this day forward. |
