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There are a number of legends surrounding the origin of this wedding ritual. I personally suspect they are all about as reliable as your great-aunt's insistence that your family is descended from royalty. In other words, I seriously doubt anyone knows where this really came from with any degree of certainty.

Regardless of its origins being clouded in obscurity, it can be a lovely ritual of conclusion. When consulting with my couples, I always suggest that when it comes to weddings, if you break something, jump something, throw something, or release something...you do it at the end. There is just something about these activities that lend themselves so well to rituals of conclusion. The actions seem to naturally signal the transition from the ritual aspect of the ceremony to the celebratory atmosphere of the reception in a fun and visible way. However, when it comes to the butterfly release there are a number of considerations that should be taken into account.

Butterflies are living creatures that transform through a metamorphosis, are considered beautiful, soar into the air, and procreate. Consequently, they can be used as a metaphor in countless ways for a wedding ceremony. Officiants and couples are free to emphasize whatever concepts they wish when writing the words to be spoken during the ritual. Butterflies are most definitely rich in symbolism. There are also several ways to do the ritual. The couple featured in the images here released the butterflies themselves from a netted cage. I have officiated weddings where the guests were given little cardboard envelopes as they entered the venue. When guests are involved, the ritual is written so as to instruct everyone present to release a butterfly. (See example below)

Whether you are using a basket, cage, or individual envelopes, this is not a ritual to throw together at the last minute. It requires forethought and planning. A quick internet search results in many sites that sell butterflies precisely for wedding releases. Do keep in mind that generally the temperature needs to be at least 70 degrees Fahrenheit and the ritual done outdoors during daylight hours for optimal results.

I do encourage couples to consider that the North American Butterfly Association and other respected organizations are opposed to the practice for a variety of reasons. Not surprisingly, the International Butterfly Breeders Association has their own response that is worth reading as well.

Personally, I am not entirely convinced the concerns of the NABA are worth the potential photo opportunities. I say potential, because roughly half of my couples who had their hearts set on including a butterfly release were disappointed in the results. In one case, the butterflies escaped from their netted basket too soon and were gone by the end of the ceremony. In another, the butterflies were almost dead and just fluttered helplessly in their envelopes. In yet another, the butterflies immediately took off and none stayed around long enough to be captured by the photographers. Please use due diligence when deciding if this is an appropriate ritual for your wedding and make sure you fully understand the pros and cons.

Officiant: According to an old legend, for a wish to come true, you must first capture a butterfly and whisper to it your sincere and heartfelt wish. The butterfly symbolizes new beginnings, freedom and happiness. Take a moment to consider the gifts (Names) bring to one another and the shared potential of their life together. Make a wish, say a prayer, think a special thought or simply feel the love we celebrate this day.

I invite you to now release your butterfly. As they escape to the light, may the promise of (Name's) tomorrows always be bright. Let them carry your hopes for what the future may bring and your love uplifted on these butterfly wings. May (Name's) days together last as long as the offspring of these butterflies which shall endure in grace, beauty and liberty.

Photo Attribute: Images courtesy of Karl Leopold at Images Forever

 
 
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Lush green surroundings year round.
Birdsong Barn is an ideal wedding venue for couples who are drawn to a beautiful natural setting for their ceremony, but are not "beach people." While we are in a county with approximately 63 miles of shore line, not everyone relishes the feel of sand between their toes. Some of us are more garden and park types when it comes to the great outdoors.

This venue is a snap to locate, quickly accessible from I-95, has plenty of parking, and can easily accommodate both the ceremony and reception at a single location. But more importantly, it's just downright adorable!

At each Birdsong Barn wedding, I look forward to the moment when I turn the corner and see the reception decor and table settings. I am always thoroughly enchanted. I have seen pastoral simplicity, artistry with a country flair, and vintage elegance themes executed perfectly. While it has definite appeal for the country folk, it really is incredibly versatile and can handle sophistication quite nicely as well.
One of the major advantages to this venue is the ease with which everything can adapt to rapidly changing weather conditions. The first wedding I officiated at Birdsong Barn was on one of those days when no one can really tell what is going to happen. According to the radar, we were either about to encounter a thoroughly dangerous electrical storm...or perhaps not. We decided to press ahead with the original plans and risk an abrupt Act II under cover should it come to that. But the good weather held and the entire ceremony took place out in the field. Had we spotted lightning in the area, cover was but a few steps away with no mad dashes or significant delays necessary.

Birdsong Barn appeals to couples who want a fun, relaxed, party atmosphere that can adapt to any number of themes. It has lovely natural backdrops for stunning photography while providing shelter in the event of inclement weather. The venue provides far more privacy than is typically available at a public park or botanical garden.
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Dance the night away under the pavilion.
Birdsong Barn
3430 Kilmarnoch Lane
Titusville, FL 32780
Email: BirdsongBarn@Gmail.com
Shutterfly Site  and  Facebook Page


For more information call call Luanne at (321) 626-6654.
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The lawn is suitable for both a small intimate ceremony or a fairly large social event.

 
 
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Direct sunlight intensifies heat!
I realize I can get a bit annoying when it comes to the topic of outdoor weddings. Some brides (and grooms!) do not want to consider alternatives and refuse to accept there are simply some things beyond their control. That is rather naive and a sure way to set themselves up for some crushing disappointment. As I've said before, any couple without a  flexible attitude regarding the details of their wedding should just plan on having everything indoors right from the start.

I do think outdoor weddings are quite lovely and very romantic in the right setting. I have officiated oodles of successful beach, garden, and park weddings that went off without a hitch. I have also officiated too many that resulted in some unfortunate incidents and a few with somewhat dire consequences.

I have nothing inherently against outdoor weddings as such. I do have serious concerns about outdoor weddings with no back up plan or that persist in the original location when conditions are dangerous or even just decidedly uncomfortable. My contract requires outdoor ceremonies specify the inclement weather alternative.

Most couples obsessively checking the weather forecast focus on the possibility of rain. They forget that temperature is also a huge factor in determining whether the ceremony will be enjoyable or miserable. They rejoice when presented with zero cloud cover not realizing this wreaks havoc on photos and intensifies already painfully hot conditions. If the ceremony or reception site does not provide adequate shade and breeze, when the heat exceeds 80-85 degrees with moderate to high humidity or 85-90 with low humidity, you should proceed immediately to Plan B, no questions asked.

Photo Attributes
Left: Jeff Carr Photography
Right: Unknown photographer, gift from the couple.

Add alcohol to the mix and hot, sunny, humid weather conditions are a perfect recipe for disaster. I have seen members of the wedding party vomit after imbibing in high temps...during the ceremony. I have witnessed guests faint from the heat and little kids cry uncontrollably when hot sand scorches their toes. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but those little keepsake fans you've distributed to your guests just don't cut it.

When planning an outdoor wedding during the summer months you absolutely must provide your wedding guests, wedding professionals, and the wedding party with the following:
  • a shady location, or shade easily accessible
  • continually moving air: be prepared to set up mechanical fans if necessary
  • non-alcoholic, caffeine-free, non-carbonated beverages (i.e. cool water) immediately on hand
I highly encourage outdoor weddings during the summer to be scheduled either early in the morning or late in the evening. It is difficult to conceive of anything less romantic than an August noon wedding on an open beach.

On a personal front, do you really think sweat causing the ladies' makeup to run, everyone's eyes to burn, hair to frizz or stick to the head and neck like glue, and staining dresses, shirts, and suits results in fantastic wedding photos? That's before you consider the squinting in the direct sunlight. Now you have a photographic situation no amount of expertise with Photoshop can resolve.

I no longer officiate weddings during the summer months that are held outside in direct sunlight at any other time than sunrise or sunset. I refer those inquiries to my younger and sturdier colleagues. Yes, it is that bad!
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Another brutally hot day, but the shade made it bearable!

 
 
Who should conduct the rehearsal?

One person and one person only. Oh wait, you were asking who, not how many.

It really doesn't matter who conducts the rehearsal. A good officiant should also be a competent wedding coordinator who can conduct an efficient rehearsal that complies with your expectations and helps alleviate your stress level regarding the big event. If your wedding is being held at a venue providing event coordination as part of your contract, take advantage of it and use their services. If you are hiring an independent wedding coordinator or event planner, that person would certainly be qualified to conduct your rehearsal in lieu of your officiant. But only one person should take the primary role of communicating your vision. Two competing rehearsal coordinators is not pretty!

If you are on a budget, anyone you trust to listen to you, will understand your preferences and is able to project his or her voice, can do a perfectly adequate job of conducting your rehearsal. You can even do it yourself.

There is something to be said for experience and professionalism though. Tricks and tips abound for a smooth wedding ceremony that your officiant, a wedding planner, or an event coordinator will know that you or your friend may not. Rehearsals can be very much like herding cats. The authority of a stranger can be very helpful indeed to bring everyone in line.

I enjoy conducting rehearsals. It gives me another opportunity to interact with the bride and groom prior to the wedding, affords me a chance to meet the family, allows more time to reassure nervous couples thereby alleviating some of their anxiety, and I get to give my "photography" and "cell phone" speeches to the wedding party, It is also one of the few times in my life I can tell people what to do and they actually do it. However, I do charge extra for the time and expense so I am completely sympathetic if a bride and groom have their wedding planner, event coordinator, a friend, or even themselves run the show.

My place is pretty much a given -- up front between the bride and groom. I also arrive early to check in with everyone, so I am comfortable with my role and position during the wedding whether I am at a rehearsal or not.

Who should attend the rehearsal?

If at all possible, I encourage my couples to only include the people who will be involved in the processional and recessional or have some sort of role during the ceremony such as readers. Spouses, friends, and other family members can get in the way. Have their loved ones meet them at the dinner, or other celebration if you are having one, once the rehearsal is over.
Where and when should we have the rehearsal?

Best case scenario: Exactly 24 hours prior to your wedding at the exact location the wedding will be held.

Real life: Not always possible.

If you want to have the best idea of what the logistics will entail and what the light will be like, than schedule your rehearsal the day before at the wedding site at the exact time your ceremony is scheduled to begin. This is not always possible however, so do not fret that this is a hard and fast requirement. Far from it. You can rehearse a month before in your living room if you want. You can sketch it out in PowerPoint and email it to your wedding party.

I have had a number of Wednesday or Thursday rehearsals for Saturday and Sunday weddings simply because the venue was already booked with other events the day before the wedding. I have had a rehearsal in a community center for a wedding at a country club and a rehearsal in a public park for a wedding in a civic center. Because there is an obvious focal point at the end of the aisle, most people head for their officiant and stand up front with him or her, so the actual location of the rehearsal is really not all that crucial.  So the answer to this question is--wherever and whenever you want.

Rehearsals are far less formal than weddings so people tend to show up whenever they feel like getting around to it. I expect weddings to start 5-15 minutes late, but sadly have resigned myself to rehearsals starting 20-30 minutes late or more! I cannot tell you how many times I have heard someone slink off with a cell phone to call a restaurant or function hall to let them know the wedding party will be late for their reservation for the rehearsal dinner. Do try to impress upon your wedding party that timeliness is as important for the rehearsal as it is for the wedding itself.


Photo Attributes: My husband, Jamie Fuller, took these photos at the rehearsal of Andy and Kristine Yawn at the Radisson Melbourne Oceanfront.

 
 
PictureRehearsal at Riverside Park in Sebastian, FL.
Some couples can get a wee bit confused as to the purpose of a wedding rehearsal. What exactly are we rehearsing anyway?

Quite honestly? Standing and Walking. Seriously.

A wedding rehearsal is nothing more than deciding where everyone is going to stand, from what direction they are entering, and who is walking in front of and behind whom. You really are not having a wedding rehearsal, you are having an enter and exit rehearsal.

A good wedding officiant will be able to guide a bride and groom through the ceremony itself just with the typical stage directions written into the ceremony, body positioning and hand motions. None of this is distracting to your guests who will barely register, if at all, that this is precisely what the officiant is doing. 99% of a wedding rehearsal is consumed with details like deciding whether the bride or groom will stand to the officiant's left, where the parents will sit, whether the groomsmen will walk in with the bridesmaids or already be standing up front, and whether the flower girl will walk with the ring bearer or stick her tongue out at his retreating back. Keep in mind as we go forward that "attendants" are simply your bridesmaids and groomsmen. It doesn't refer to your attendance. That's your guest list.

Rehearsals are sometimes absolutely necessary, but often a matter of personal preference. I leave it to the bride and groom's discretion but do have a "rule of thumb" and an "exception to the rule of thumb." While the bride and groom have two of the easiest parts to play--logistically anyway-- if you have several attendants on either side, consider their nerves on the big day. I once officiated a formal wedding that had five attendants on each side and no rehearsal. The bride and groom were incredibly laid back and prepared for whatever their wedding turned out to be. Their attendants were a mess! It took three of us to calm these ten people down, line them up and assure them wherever they ended up positioned for the wedding would be fine with the bride and groom.

If you only have honor attendants (maid/matron of honor and best man) you do not need a rehearsal. If you have a maid of honor, a matron of honor, two best men, six bridesmaids, six groomsmen, two junior bridesmaids, a ring bearer and a flower girl you definitely need a rehearsal. The weddings in between constitute a judgment call on your part. First of all, rehearsals can be great fun. The rehearsal is a tradition that allows members of the wedding party who may not know one another to become acquainted. It provides an opportunity for the two families to socialize as well as mentally and emotionally prepare themselves for the big event.

Rule of Thumb:

  • 0-4 attendants: No rehearsal necessary
  • 5-6 attendants: Worth considering a rehearsal
  • 7+ attendants: Schedule a rehearsal
Exception to the Rule of Thumb:

If you are getting married in a private home seriously think about having a rehearsal regardless of how many attendants are in your wedding party. Home weddings are lovely, but they are not natural event venues. A rehearsal will alert you to issues you may not have considered previously. You do not necessarily need your officiant for a home wedding rehearsal, but you should discipline yourselves to conduct at least one and impress upon the other participants the importance of what you are doing. It really will help alleviate some of the stress on your wedding day.
Photo Attribute: Jamie Fuller

 
 
PictureWine evokes a sense of celebration as well!
The Wine Ceremony is sometimes confused with the Wine & Letter Box Ritual as they both include the word "wine" in their names. They are actually quite different. The Wine Ceremony is a ritual of sharing while the Wine & Letter Box is a ritual of reconciliation.

A wine ceremony symbolizes the marriage bond persisting in both times of joy and sorrow. It emphasizes the idea that in a strong and healthy partnership, joys are multiplied and sorrows divided when you share them.

Although the ritual refers to sweet and bitter wine, I recommend choosing one red and one white wine as the two different colors present a visible contrast that emphasize the difference between joys and sorrows. The wine is symbolic so it really shouldn't be a burden to swallow. Pick wines you like!

There are many ways you can adapt the ritual so it fully captures your unique personalities. I have had:
  • an artistic couple use a single wine in pottery goblets they had made themselves, one beautiful and the other deliberately ugly.
  • a couple use a single wine in two identical glasses (it is symbolic after all).
  • non-drinkers who liked the symbolism include the ritual using sparkling white and purple grape juices
  • a couple who preferred beer use a pilsner and a stout.

Rituals of sharing do not have the same symbolism as rituals of unity so they can both be smoothly integrated into a wedding ceremony if the couple would like to do both. Rather than the focus being on the coming together of two people into one relationship, rituals of sharing focus on what this commitment means in practical terms. Marriage isn't for better or for worse, it's for better and for worse. These rituals are visible metaphors for the commitment the couple is making to be with one another in both good times and in bad and remind us life is better when shared with someone we love.

The following is an example of what an officiant might say during a Wine Ceremony. Like most rituals, the officiant's explanation accompanies the actions so light background music can be appropriate, but playing a song would not work very well.

It is the goal of marriage to achieve a blending of hearts and lives—but let there be spaces in your new  life together, so each may encourage and nurture the individual growth of the other. Even so, your  separate lives will become one life; your separate homes, one home, your separate fortunes, one fortune. Over the horizon of the future, there come toward you even now hours of brightness and hours of  shadow, for such is the nature of life.

(Present the goblet of “sweet” wine.)

Life has, indeed, many bright and happy experiences, of which this sweet wine is a token. As you drink  of it together, may it serve as a symbol of the joy that comes with loving and sharing, and may your  happiness be tempered with gratitude and modesty and a bountiful sympathy for those who are less  fortunate than you.

(Bride and Groom each take a sip of the wine ~ Present the goblet of “bitter” wine.)

But when hardship and sorrow and disappointment come, of which this bitter wine is a token, may you care enough to help one another with courage and compassion, neither one blaming the other for folly or failure, or regretting the obligation of marriage to share and bear together the chances and changes  of a life deeply lived. 

(Bride and Groom each take a sip of the wine.)

Marriage is a connection of two people uniting in love and trust for a common purpose. May you forever live in harmony as your joys become more intense and your burdens lighter because you experience them together.
Photo Attribute: Deb Lindsey Photography

 
 
Vanessa and Adam's wedding at the Tides Collocated Club on Patrick Air Force Base was on April 06, 2013. It was a beautiful evening and the wedding party was delightfully relaxed. Perfect casual attire and laid back attitude for a lovely wedding by the beach.

Adam and Vanessa have a great sense of humor and are out-going and a lot of fun. Their entire wedding party reflected their personalities. They were attended by four bridesmaids and four groomsmen. I loved the color choices. The cream, grey, and aqua looked dynamite!
Their spiritual wedding included a Sand Ceremony and went off without a hitch. This is one of those weddings where there really isn't that much to blog about precisely because it was so flawless! That's a fantastic problem to have.

The only mistake was mine and had nothing to do with the wedding. I left my camera behind and Vanessa was incredibly kind and mailed it back to me when she found it. She has my sincere gratitude!
I share in the joy of my friends
While the air is filled with songs
To love, to love and a wedding
Blessed are the lives of friends
I share in their smiles quite often
For their humour is a narcotic
It infiltrates almost every thought
Induces many a joyful memory
In an addictive fashion I realise
The excited talk and anticipation
To love, to love and a wedding
Is something private shared
An intimate union of two
Shared with those close and loved
The glasses raised in celebration
The smiles and the laughter
What joy it has been to share
In the joy of my friends
Who sing of love and the song
To love, to love and a wedding
~ Matthew Holloway
Photo Attribute: Images courtesy of Paul Lucas of Back Window Productions

 
 
Heidi and Kevin were married on the beach at the Crowne Plaza Melbourne Oceanfront on Saturday, May 11. Their wedding was due to begin at 4:30, but by 4:00 the skies to the west were looking ominous indeed. By 4:15 we were in monsoon-like conditions.

At one point I found myself on my knees hunched over a bridesmaid's laptop on a settee in the bride's suite anxiously evaluating radar maps. I spotted a gap in the storm system, but sadly do not possess the expertise to determine whether it constituted a fifteen minute window or an hour's reprieve. Or whether it would reach us in the next ten minutes or in two hours.

A consultation with the event coordinator, photographer, and videographer determined we were all willing to proceed with plans for a wedding on the beach if the rain let up and no lightning was spotted in the area. My kindle fits nicely in a ziploc bag, so I had the least amount of "gear" at stake. I was perfectly happy to let the photographer and videographer make the call.

Heidi really wanted a beach wedding, but was resigned to an indoor ceremony if the conditions did not improve by 5:00. Shortly before the deadline, we did get a break in the storm. The hotel staff quickly dried off the seats, we ushered everyone to the beach as quickly as possible, and jumped into action. Heidi and Kevin were having a beach wedding...albeit a wee bit of a soggy one. I was so glad because Heidi and Kevin were such a sweet couple and a joy to work with. The beach part, not glad about the soggy bit.

      Heidi & Kevin's Facebook Sneak Peek

I have to say that Indica and Brian are both true wedding professionals and total troopers. Brian covered his video equipment in plastic tarping (i.e. trash bags) and Indica captured the ceremony beautifully with one hand on her camera and the other holding an umbrella.

This was absolutely necessary because it did indeed begin to rain before the ceremony concluded. No serious downpour, but enough for the guests to use their keepsake fans as umbrellas rather than for cooling off. I felt badly I was not able to set up my PA system and had to project my voice.When I have to forgo the microphone, I feel like I'm screaming at the bride and groom even though it is projection rather than true yelling. My acoustic "sound check" was approved from the back row so I have to assume everyone  heard the ceremony.

Guests, wedding party, and wedding professionals took it all in good humor and the ceremony was absolutely delightful. Heidi and Kevin were attended by five bridesemaids and five groomsmen. Their colors of purple and teal with yellow/orange accents was truly striking. Personally, I think it looks amazing against a steel gray sky though I doubt that was the original intent.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way
than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep
                              ~ Excerpt from Sonnet XVII by Pablo Neruda

 
 
Mark and Tracy were married on May 1 at 310 Lakeside Restaurant. I am often a little tentative about heading into Orlando as I am not as familiar with the area as I am Brevard County. Fortunately, my season tickets to Orlando City Soccer helped in this regard. Their venue was just off the 408 and a snap to get to. A quick tour through Google Maps in street view mode had acquainted me with a convenient parking garage right across the street. Mark and Tracy picked an excellent place for their wedding.

Not just because it was well located, but the venue itself is fantastic. 310 Restaurants is actually two restaurants, 310 Lakeside and 310 Park South. And 310 Lakeside is located at 301 E. Pine, which can get a bit confusing so I recommend you not think about it too much. Their staff was very friendly and extremely helpful. Their flexibility with regard to weather is exactly what I like to see.

When I arrived we were still unsure whether the ceremony would be held out on the patio or inside the restaurant. The weather had been mizzling all afternoon. That's more than a mist and a little less than a drizzle if you're wondering. More serious weather seemed like it could move in at any time...or not. It was one of those completely up in the air situations.

The good news was an inside wedding would not be a bad option at all. 310 Lakeside has a wonderfully private section with full picture windows overlooking the patio by the lake. This really is an ideal wedding venue for someone who wants the best of everything within a few steps. Park atmosphere, city sophistication, garden patio, elegant restaurant...just lovely! As you can see we did manage to have an outdoor ceremony. Yeah!

Mark and Tracy planned their Orlando destination wedding from British Columbia with family members traveling in from many parts of Canada and the groom's side popping over from Wales! This was one of those weddings where the guests made the experience even more wonderful. They were so friendly and everyone could not have seemed any happier for Tracy and Mark.

They had a harpist for their ceremony music and I was so glad the weather cooperated for her to bring the instrument. I understand it was touch and go for awhile whether she could even get it out in the elements to transport it to the wedding. Mark's father was his best man and Tracy's sister her Maid of Honor. Their wedding was the epitome of elegant simplicity and seemed absolutely perfect for these two. Miss Bubbly and her Handsome Welsh Prince!
Priodas by Dic Jones

Boed i chwi egni newydd
Liw dydd yng ngwres yr haul,
A thyner wawl y lleuad
Liw nos i fwrw'r draul,
A golched cynnesgawod law
I ffwrdd eich gofid a phob braw.
Chwythed awelon ysgafn
I adnewyddu'ch nerth,
Ac na foed i chwi lithro
Lle byddo'r llwybrau'n serth.
Boed i chwi'n ysgafn droedio'r byd
Gan rhoi i'r ddaear barch o hyd.
Photo Attribute: Two family members, Justin and Joshua ~ and I sincerely hope I have remembered their names correctly, took photos for Tracy and Mark.

 
 
PictureMr. Paul Cummins officiating Nicole and Andy's wedding.
I have colleagues who can get a bit touchy when it comes to the subject of amateurs stepping in to officiate a wedding. I am a little more relaxed about the issue and understand this may be desired or necessary at times.There are areas of the country where it is extremely difficult to locate a suitable professional officiant. Officiating fees can be quite high in some locations due to cost of living variations around the country. Couples on an extraordinarily tight budget may not be able to squeeze in over $500 for an officiant.

A couple may simply prefer someone near and dear take on this role or might have a loved one begging them for the honor. Some couples place a low priority on the ceremony and want to focus on the celebration. That baffles some professional officiants. Yet despite the pride I take in my work, I do understand this perspective. Having a friend or family member officiate your wedding can indeed save money or be particularly meaningful.

There are important considerations you must make if your friend or family member is not experienced with weddings. They probably won't apply if your friend or family member is already an experienced officiant.

1. LEGALITY: Make sure your officiant is authorized to solemnize marriage according to the laws of the state (possibly county and municipality as well) where the wedding ceremony will be held. This individual should be someone who is willing to learn and understand marriage law so as not to make any mistakes with the license.

2. DEPENDABILITY: Choose someone who is a confident public speaker and is reliable. You want a loved one who will take this responsibility seriously. You should select someone who understands that while this is fun, it is also work. He or she should spend time rehearsing before the wedding. You want a low maintenance helpful individual who will bring down your stress levels not raise them when the big day arrives. This is not the time to appease a lovable, but flaky relative by bestowing this honor.

3. DISTANCE: I highly recommend selecting a friend or family member who is relatively local to the ceremony location. Most of the "we were going to have a friend do it, but he/she backed out" calls I get are from couples relying on someone a plane ride or extremely long car trip away.

4. VOICE AMPLIFICATION: Arrange for a microphone if you have more than a handful of guests. Many professional officiants have their own portable PA systems, but chances are your friend or family member will not.

Choosing an inexperienced officiant might mean you are on your own when it comes to putting the ceremony together. Some couples are perfectly fine with this and have confidence they can write their own wedding. Others want guidance or prefer a professional write the ceremony and then turn over the text/script to their officiant.  This latter option can strike some professional officiants as odd and they patently refuse to consider doing it, but ceremony writing without officiating the wedding and coaching amateur officiants are services I have provided for many years. It is important to me that each couple have the wedding of their dreams. If that means having Grandma Jane or Uncle Joe officiate the ceremony, than so be it. I do believe weddings I have written have been officiated in at least twelve states, in five countries, and on three continents. I am honored to be part of a couple's wedding day in any capacity that serves their needs.

If you are unsure whether you want a friend or family member or prefer to hire a professional, feel free to browse the "Yes, We're Worth It" page on my website.

Photo Attribute: Shannon Perez of Florida Beachside Weddings
Paul is actually not an amateur, but a consummate professional shown here officiating a wedding ceremony I wrote. Alas, I do not have any pictures from weddings I have written that were officiated by amateurs.