Rites of passage are an important
part of life whether we are members of a religious community,
consider ourselves "spiritual but not religious," or are completely
secular. In ritual, our joys are multiplied and sorrows divided when
loved ones gather to celebrate our greatest happiness or alleviate
our deepest pain. While the site is primarily devoted to
weddings, it is my honor and pleasure to assist you with
child
dedications or memorial services - any ritual for which you feel
a professional would be helpful and appropriate.
Registration now open for the March
2012 group marriage
education class.
When you see a
Red X with the words "Contract Pending" on the calendar, the date
and time may still be available. If you see such a conflict, I will
be happy to contact the couple to see if they intend to confirm
their booking.
Okay, so you've seen there is an awful lot I can do to help make your wedding
or commitment ceremony uniquely meaningful. You might be thinking, "Sounds great, but what's the catch? Where does this
lady draw the
line?"
Fair enough!
Here is what I won't do.
When I pronounce the Declaration of Marriage, I will never use the
phrase "man and wife." I pronounce a couple, "husband and
wife." If you think I'm being prickly, say the following sentence out
loud. "I now pronounce you husband and woman." Sounds pretty stupid,
doesn't it? Besides, while I am legally able to render an adult male standing
in front of me a husband, I have neither the authority nor the wherewithal to
change him into a man. That's his wife's job.
I'm afraid I cannot bring myself to ask the bride's escort, "Who gives
this woman in marriage this day?" People are not property, and yes, this
particular phrase gets my feminist hackles up. Women are not something that
can be bought, sold, given away or returned. Instead I ask the bride's
escort, "Who presents this woman (or name) at her wedding this day?"
I cannot in
good conscience include a charge to a wife to obey her husband (or a
husband to obey his wife!) as part of
the vows. Being married for well over a decade
and a half I think I can say with some
confidence that anyone expecting obedience has an unrealistic view of
marriage. In fact, that isn't marriage, it's servitude. The relational
dynamic in a marriage should be one of creative and transformative power, not
one of subjugation. The biblical basis for a marriage vow that includes a
pledge to obey is suspect and is in no way consistent with the teachings of
either Jesus or Paul.
Many people ask me about the "...if anyone has any objections...." line.
That's Hollywood. The real wedding liturgy asks if anyone knows of any
reason why the two should not be joined in marriage. The issue here was one
of identity not jilted lovers or disappointed parents. In a time before
photo IDs and databases, someone from a few villages away could abandon one
spouse and start up housekeeping with another if no one knew about the first
family. This question is now dealt with by the Clerk of Courts office in the
marriage license process. There is simply no
reason for it to be included in a wedding these days. So it isn't a matter
of refusing to do it, it's just pointless.
I admit it, I am an unabashed prude. I cannot bring myself to do a nudist
wedding. I'm too self-conscious about my own body and way too prone to the
giggles to get through a wedding viewing someone else's. Trust me, you don't
want me goggling at something I haven't seen in quite that way before. The
bride should be the only one blushing that day.
I won't jump out of an airplane with you. I'll be more than
happy to join you in marriage once you two airborne love birds reach
terra firma, but there is not an officiant fee large enough to get me to sky
dive as I solemnify your marriage. Try it. Make an offer. I won't take
it....Really.
On a more serious note, I do not officiate weddings where one or both of
the parties is below statutory age and has had to obtain parental approval for
the marriage license. Although such a marriage would be perfectly legal, I am
personally uncomfortable unless both parties have full majority status under
the law.
Other than what is stated above, I'm pretty open and inclusive. If
you have an idea, I bet we can put something together for you.
Oh, I just thought of one more thing. No snake handling! Sorry.
Cheers,
Rev. Ann
P.S. I have recently come to the conclusion I no longer have the
strength of constitution to perform a wedding in the blazing sun
right down on the beach during the hottest months of year. Please do
not ask me to officiate a beach ceremony held between the hours of
10:00 a.m. and 5:00 p.m. between June 1 and August 31 unless it is
on one of the boardwalks in the shade. There really is nothing
romantic about sweltering heat and bright sunlight. Ask your
photographer how hard it is to Photoshop squinty sweating miserable
people. Not from this area? Please take my word for it. You'll only
be doing yourselves and your guests a huge favor by avoiding such
cruel discomfort. Still don't believe me? Put on a wedding dress, go
stand in a sauna while staring directly into a 60 watt light bulb
for fifteen minutes and tell me that's where you want to exchange
your vows of matrimony. Didn't think so.
n
good conscience include a charge to a wife to obey her husband (or a
husband to obey his wife!) as part of
the 
than
happy to join you in marriage once you two airborne love birds reach
terra firma, but there is not an officiant fee large enough to get me to sky
dive as I solemnify your marriage. Try it. Make an offer. I won't take
it....Really.
